Keeping the Faith and the Funny and Living Life In Between

Interesting Article...

2012-01-28T11:41:00.001-08:00

This article was co-authored by Dan Cady is an assistant professor of history at California State University, Fresno. He publishes on the history of the American West, music, and religion.

The results from a recent poll published by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life (http://www.pewforum.org/Politics-and-Elections/Tea-Party-and-Religion.aspx) reveal what social scientists have known for a long time: White Evangelical Christians are the group least likely to support politicians or policies that reflect the actual teachings of Jesus. It is perhaps one of the strangest, most dumb-founding ironies in contemporary American culture. Evangelical Christians, who most fiercely proclaim to have a personal relationship with Christ, who most confidently declare their belief that the Bible is the inerrant word of God, who go to church on a regular basis, pray daily, listen to Christian music, and place God and His Only Begotten Son at the center of their lives, are simultaneously the very people most likely to reject his teachings and despise his radical message.

Jesus unambiguously preached mercy and forgiveness. These are supposed to be cardinal virtues of the Christian faith. And yet Evangelicals are the most supportive of the death penalty, draconian sentencing, punitive punishment over rehabilitation, and the governmental use of torture. Jesus exhorted humans to be loving, peaceful, and non-violent. And yet Evangelicals are the group of Americans most supportive of easy-access weaponry, little-to-no regulation of handgun and semi-automatic gun ownership, not to mention the violent military invasion of various countries around the world. Jesus was very clear that the pursuit of wealth was inimical to the Kingdom of God, that the rich are to be condemned, and that to be a follower of Him means to give one's money to the poor. And yet Evangelicals are the most supportive of corporate greed and capitalistic excess, and they are the most opposed to institutional help for the nation's poor -- especially poor children. They hate anything that smacks of "socialism," even though that is essentially what their Savior preached. They despise food stamp programs, subsidies for schools, hospitals, job training -- anything that might dare to help out those in need. Even though helping out those in need was exactly what Jesus urged humans to do. In short, Evangelicals are that segment of America which is the most pro-militaristic, pro-gun, and pro-corporate, while simultaneously claiming to be most ardent lovers of the Prince of Peace.

What's the deal?
Before attempting an answer, allow a quick clarification. Evangelicals don't exactly hate Jesus -- as we've provocatively asserted in the title of this piece. They do love him dearly. But not because of what he tried to teach humanity. Rather, Evangelicals love Jesus for what he does for them. Through his magical grace, and by shedding his precious blood, Jesus saves Evangelicals from everlasting torture in hell, and guarantees them a premium, luxury villa in heaven. For this, and this only, they love him. They can't stop thanking him. And yet, as for Jesus himself -- his core values of peace, his core teachings of social justice, his core commandments of goodwill -- most Evangelicals seem to have nothing but disdain.
And this is nothing new. At the end of World War I, the more rabid, and often less educated Evangelicals decried the influence of the Social Gospel amongst liberal churches. According to these self-proclaimed torch-bearers of a religion born in the Middle East, progressive church-goers had been infected by foreign ideas such as German Rationalism, Soviet-style Communism, and, of course, atheistic Darwinism. In the 1950s, the anti-Social Gospel message piggybacked the rhetoric of anti-communism, which slashed and burned its way through the Old South and onward through the Sunbelt, turning liberal churches into vacant lots along the way. It was here that the spirit and the body collided, leaving us with a prototypical Christian nationalist, hell-bent on prosperity. Charity was thus rebranded as collectivism and self-denial gave way to the gospel of accumulation. Church-to-church, sermon-to-sermon, evangelical preachers grew less comfortable with the fish and loaves Jesus who lived on earth, and more committed to the angry Jesus of the future. By the 1990s, this divine Terminator gained "most-favored Jesus status" among America's mega churches; and with that, even the mention of the former "social justice" Messiah drove the socially conscious from their larger, meaner flock.
In addition to such historical developments, there may very well simply be an underlying, all-too-human social-psychological process at root, one that probably plays itself out among all religious individuals: they see in their religion what they want to see, and deny or despise the rest. That is, religion is one big Rorschach test. People look at the content of their religious tradition -- its teachings, its creeds, its prophet's proclamations -- and they basically pick and choose what suits their own secular outlook. They see in their faith what they want to see as they live their daily lives, and simultaneously ignore the rest. And as is the case for most White Evangelical Christians, what they are ignoring is actually the very heart and soul of Jesus's message -- a message that emphasizes sharing, not greed. Peace-making, not war-mongering. Love, not violence.
Of course, conservative Americans have every right to support corporate greed, militarism, gun possession, and the death penalty, and to oppose welfare, food stamps, health care for those in need, etc. -- it is just strange and contradictory when they claim these positions as somehow "Christian." They aren't.

Interesting huh? Let's ponder it!

-Katie

Dear Luke 2012...

2012-01-23T13:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Luke,

You are currently three years old and the sweetest of all three year old boys on the planet. Your empathy quotient is higher than most adults I know. As I stub my toe on the dining room table and hop around in excruciating pain, your sister cackles in a high pitched squeal while you crinkle your forward, throw your arms out and say, “Mama, are you okay Mama?” And it’s not just me you are worried about. When Maddy was sick last week you were known to be found in her room, rubbing her back and telling her to feel better. Anyone who might be in distress you immediately want to help.

That doesn’t mean you aren’t all man; your fondness for superheroes remains a large part of our lives and I don’t know if that ever goes away because your daddy makes me watch movies like the Green Lantern and Captain America every other Friday night. You are constantly begging to watch the superhero squad, you tube clips of Superman, and racing around the house and yard in full superhero gear jumping off furniture in hopes of taking flight.

You are thriving in preschool and out of the shadow of your sister have turned into quite the class clown. During the birthday assembly when the teachers invite students from each birthday month up for a song from the student body you didn’t seem to have a shy bone in your body. Most of the other kids were embarrassed and didn’t want to go up front. Not you. You shimmied down the aisle and proceeded to get down to the music in front of the whole school. As I looked around most of the teachers were completely charmed by your performance, holding their hands over their hearts and sighing. And I’m afraid you are going to battle that with the ladies for some time because of your straight up handsomeness.

When I pick you up from school they tell me how hilarious you are, how easy going you are, how wonderful you are. And you are all those things, but so much more. You’ve proven to be a bit easier to raise than your sibling counterpart except for when you chase our dog Bugsy, pull his tail, and make him part of your crime fighting sequence.

In the fall I’m coaching you on your first soccer team and every time I pull out the soccer ball and try and get you to kick it you shake your head no, run over to the blue plastic bat, throw a baseball in the air and start swinging. Yep, it looks like you might follow in your Big Pa’s footsteps and have love in your heart for America’s favorite past time, much to my dismay. So I did what any soccer loving fanatical mom would do and that was sign you up for teeball. This spring we will watch you swing away, but I don’t really care if you are good or bad at sports. All I really care about is if you are happy and it looks like we might be doing something right in that area because you are the happiest dude around.

Your smile is so big it brightens our lives. Your belly laugh can be heard three streets over. ‘Good-natured’ is the word to use when describing you. ‘Joyful’ is another. But all the words in all the universe couldn’t describe my love for you. You fit so snuggly into our family of four and you will always be my baby.

I love you my Lukey!

Love,

Mama

Dear Maddy 2012...

2012-01-18T13:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Maddy,

I can’t believe you turn five in a few short months. Kindergarten, is where you are headed next school year. Kindergarten! Losing your toddler status and looking a lot like a beautiful little girl on the inside and out.

You keep us on our toes with your sassiness. In a battle of epic proportions over hair brushing the other day I came to the realization that I have indeed given birth to myself. And out of my mouth I uttered your Grammy’s favorite saying to me while I was growing up. I looked at you, pointed my finger and hollered, “I HOPE YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER EXACTLY LIKE YOU WHEN YOU GROW UP!” You stamped your foot, cocked your head to the side, flipped your curls over your shoulder and yelled, “ME TOO! AND I WILL NEVER BRUSH HER HAIR TOO HARD!”

It took us exactly five minutes to simmer down away from each other that I found this little exchange to be absolutely hilarious and a grand case of déjà vu came over me! Oh your strong will comes in handy at school and one day it will come in handy in life, but oh how it challenges us. How it elates us. How it exhausts us. How proud it makes us. And that is the emotion that stirs in me when I look at you. Pride. Plain and simple pride. Pride in who you are. Pride in the obstacles you are able to overcome and Pride in the fact that your daddy and I created someone so uniquely wonderful.

Proud is how I felt the other day when your teacher stuck her head in my car, before I picked you up, and told me how you are excelling in school. That not only are you able to see and understand almost every activity, but you are quite frequently the first one done in class. “That is one smart little girl you have there.” Your teacher pronounced. I say that in the same breath I say the very next week your teacher stuck her head in my car to let me know that you had a day, in her words, “where Maddy just couldn’t seem to behave!” I wanted to shrug and tell her we’ve had a good run, but I assured her we would take care of the problem. That night your daddy and I had our first sit down meeting with you about behaving in school, the first of many I’m afraid. You assured us you would be perfect the next day and you were.

And that is the thing about you. You have this way with people that has them eating out of the palm of your hand within five minutes of meeting you. Your charisma is almost palpable. Adults and children alike push and shove just to stand around in your light. Because you emanate such joy and brightness.

And oh the girlieness. In this one way you aren’t like me at all. Dresses and skirts, sparkly tiaras, bracelets, necklaces, sparkly anything really, fingernail polish, the bigger the bow the better and I’m trying to keep up with this new realm of fashion coming from my four year old daughter. We took a family hike this summer and you walked around on your tippy toes with your arms out completely disgusted that you were sweating, “Ewwwww, gross, I’m like sweating!” Your daddy and I laughed the whole way home and told you to suck it up because we are an outdoors kind of family. To that you were unimpressed!

As you grow up right before my eyes and pronounce that you are too old for Sesame Street and Dora, as you laugh through life, dance your way through the days, I am reminded of what a blessed life we lead simply because you are in it.

And I love you the bestest and the sweetest and to the moon and back,

Love,

Mama

I might just want to write these letters more than once a year, but don't hold me to it! Next Up The Cutest Luke!

-Katie

My dad can beat your dad up...

2012-01-11T11:36:00.000-08:00

Remember when you were a kid on the playground in elementary school? I guess it was around 4th grade when the kids at recess would puff out their chest and brag about how their dad could beat up your dad, "My dad is stronger than your dad!" They would adamantly pronounce to all their classmates and scores of other kids would shake their heads vigorously in disagreement, "Nuh Uh, my dad can take on your dad, any day!" Even though most of the father's of my classmates didn't look like the type to throw down, too civilized, I guess, But the argument and bragging would continue for the rest of the recess hour while playing on the monkey bars or four square or the swings.

It was a staple to growing up. It stopped however, when we all started Jr. high, because, well, it wasn't cool anymore to brag that your dad could beat someone elses' dad up, it just wasn't.

When I started dating around my freshman year in high school (8th grade, really) The boys that showed up on my doorstep started stammering the minute my dad opened the door. To me he was a teddy bear, but to them he was a grizzly (and looked like one too) In a high pitched, not yet deepened, voice they would say...."Is Katie home?!"  My dad would shoot them a beady eye glare and most of the boys (the smart ones, anyway) would hightail it home and have to change their pants.

Before I could drive and I was invited to a boy/girl party my dad was always the one to drive me, but he didn't just drive me and drop me off like the rest of the normal parents. He had to walk me to the door and take a gander around the party scene, meet the parents, make sure all was well before letting his girl take part in the fun.  Mortifying. Yes! Comforting. A little. Warranted. Absolutely! It became a routine my friends expected. My dad would get out of the car, grunt a little, walk up to the door, all while I walked behind him, all red in the face and embarrassed. Most of the boys attending the party would yell out, "Katie's dad is coming....HIDE!" And they did, in any bathroom and closet they could find. If my dad deemed it appropriate to leave me there to take part in the coed party (and believe me, sometimes he didn't, it was a 50/50 shot) he would give me a hug and let me know he would be back to pick me up later.

This has continued through out my and my siblings life.  We knew the moment we could walk and talk that my dad was a badass.

I say all this to say, "My dad really can kick your dad's ass," Most likely he won't need to because your old man will run away in fear of his manliness.

Happy Birthday Big Pa! We love you!

See he can wear the same shirt to every event and no one will say a word because he does what he wants!

He really is just a big ole teddy bear.....(That is, of course, unless you cross him!)

Every year he gets older, he just gets better!

"Hey Parker, DOWN BOY!"

-Katie

2011 in Review...

2012-01-01T12:04:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! 2011 was a hard year for our family. To losing loved ones, to moving houses, to starting school, to other family related anxieties, we just had a tough year. However, as I take time to look around me I am reminded of abundant blessings. My family is intact as is our health and happiness. I appreciate all of you who continue to follow my crazy blog (and come on people, throw a sista some comments once in a while so I know I'm not writing in vain! Yes, I'm talking to you Broken Arrow, Edmond, Tulsa, OKC, New York City, Dallas, San Diego! Sign in bitches and leave me some love!)

Prepare yourselves for a year in Review:::

January
* My witching hour 3:30 to 5:30, I turn into a frazzled version of myself. 5:30 can't come fast enough as I swear up and down I'm not meant to be a stay at home mother, but change my mind at 6 p.m. when my husband can take the brunt of the offspring demands!

* Black eye Peas member Apl.de.ap is legally blind, dancing and singing his way to the bank. I believe Maddy will do the same

*Musings by a blonde blogger
     -trying to lose weight....yeah, good luck...right?
     -worry all the time
     -I have anger inside me
     -my husband is HOT!

*Maddy can't play duck duck goose in preschool and it hurts my mom heart. "EFF duck duck goose becomes our new motto!"

February

*Snow and lots of it

*Disturbed by Barbies' ho-tasticness I vow to make some real looking barbies including, Stretch Mark barbie, Pregnant Barbie, Wobbly Arm Barbie, and Hairy Barbie

*Dora is a Whora

*The Pioneer Woman is my bestie! Her cook book makes hump worthy food!

*My babies aren't babies anymore and are growing up too fast

*An Impression on my heart. I meet a mom at a local park who leaves on imprint on my heart with her life story of losing her son

March

*Dear Maddy 2011 edition. I love you the bestest and the sweetest and to the moon and back

*Dear Luke 2011 edition. My little Lukey, Helbobo helmet boy, bubba baby, I love you more than you will ever know

*Miracle Maddy turns 4

*Bad News about Maddy's eye pressures sends me into a tizzy of tears and snot. My prayer warriors, friends and family make my life seem much more tolerable...Thank you!

*I go to San Francisco for five days on a girl's trip. Hot Husband is a hellofa Mister Mom!

*My mom and I publish Miracle on Southwest Boulevard Buy a copy here http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU-000460473/Miracle-on-Southwest-Boulevard.aspx
It might just change your life

April

*My Nannaw is sick in the hospital and we all rally around her to spend her last few weeks of life together

*Miracle on Southwest Boulevard is selling like crazy at my mom's speaking engagements and on Amazon.com. She is changing the world, one child at a time.

*We sell our house, packing and moving with two small children suuuuuuuucks!

*Maddy slices her head open at Academy...."Katie's Sports and Outdoors!"

*The Easter Bunny gives candy, but Christ gives life

*April 29th, 2011 My Nannaw went to be with Jesus. Back in a body that is pain free, enveloped in love and long last home. We miss you.

May

*Peace Out Bin Laden

* Maddy says goodbye to her first successful year in preschool and beloved teachers.

*Thunder Up Boys! KD, will you marry me?!

*We bought our new house, AND I AIN'T EVER MOVING AGAIN!

June

*Maddy had a tough time transitioning into our new home, as do I. I have weird sentimental attachment to our old crappy death trap of a house.

*Spunky Maddy tells nosy park goers how her eyes work...."Well DUUUUUH!" Yeah, okay, we are tired as hell by her constant boundary pushin', but thank God she can stand up for herself!

*We heart Buffalofitz after we got kicked out of the library....LAWYER UP SLUTS!

*Whole grain noodles taste like Boiled Buttholes.

*My brother, Kenny, gets married to beautiful Molly....what a catch! We love you guys.

*Pray for a ravaged Joplin, Mo after an F-5 tornado rips through and a third of their town is gone.

July

*Swim lessons suck

*I love Switched at Birth about a teenage girl with a hearing impairment. It is amazing what people can overcome

*Miracle on Southwest Boulevard continues to make a difference and change lives....Come on, buy your copy here http://bookstore.westbowpress.com/Products/SKU-000460473/Miracle-on-Southwest-Boulevard.aspx

*It's hotter than a whore's bedroom in the grand state of Oklahoma. No one can go outside for fear of dropping dead in the 116 degree weather. So we stay inside and do mud masks!

*Maddy learns to write her name!

*Hot Husband and I celebrate 8 years of marital bliss and do it up Vegas style, Pass out at the pool from too many pina colodas! I love you and your glorious head of curls!

August

*I turned 30, the death of my youth is upon me, I have old balls

*I love facebook at the same time that I LOATHE it! Hey husbands and wives, seriously, stop with your stupid crap on the FB. We all know you beat eachother, you ain't foolin' NOBODY!

*Guide to Toddlerhood
     -Welcome to the land of Toddlerville, there is no turning back

*Duct Tape Discpline

*Moms I want to fight for money

*Toddlerhood is fleeting and cherish it you must

*Maddy starts Pre-K, as in going to school five days a week, and if you are TARDY more than three times you get suspended. This is serious business! Better be in the drop off line by 7:45 in the am!

September

*Hemm Cup Camp Christian Edition. We must hand over the Hemm Cup Trophy to my bro Kenny and his wife Molly. (We are training for the third Cup...beware bitches The Domination will cut you!)

*Blog Revamp, Keep the Faith and the Funny

*My 9/11 story. We are blessed my brother, Bill, made it out of tower two. We will always remember.

*Our lives on the front row. We will always sit on the front row and pray for friends who have the integrity to sit with us...will you?

*My Luke turns 3! What a great kid, we love you to infinity and beyond.

October

*Working on my first Novel....YIKES! The holiday's brought a bad case of writer's block. But my rated R novel has a few possible titles. Perfectly Proportional, Flawed Perfection, Shakeable Miracles....anyone want to vote on the title they like best? I have them in order of my preference!

*I adhere to screen time limits given down by the Lord God Himself, but it is soooooo hard!

*Laundry = Loathing

*Fairy Princess and Iron Man do it up Big for Halloween 2011 (and then Big Mama eats all the Reece's!)

November

* I accidentally talk a single girlfriend out of wanting to be a mom....oops! There is no better life, motherhood is hard, but what wonderful, worthwhile thing isn't?

*Don't hate, but FEAR the Thanksgiving skirt!

*Elf on the Shelf is one sneaky little sonofabitch and well worth the money!

December

*We've been planking...you should too!

*Christians Tired Of Being Misrepresented....Is there anyone Jesus wouldn't help? Is there anyone Jesus wouldn't love? Stop the judgements and love thy neighbor. Love thy Muslim neighbor, Love thy Jewish neighbor, Love thy homosexual neighbor. Love thy neighbor....DO IT!

*Peer Pressured Christmas Survey

*Christmas was crazy fun, ending with the best present of the year, a sweet new baby nephew for me to love!

We hope you all had a rockin' good year and we pray for health, safety, and happiness in the coming year from our family to yours!

PEACE IN YO BOOTY CREASE!

-Katie

Yo, 2012 BRING IT!

PS...don't forget about my comments HOS! Don't be so stingy!

Christmas Craziness 2011...

2011-12-27T12:24:00.000-08:00

This year Christmas was pretty fun! A few days before Jesus B-day, my nephew arrived via c-section. It was hard because I wanted to be there to see him and my sister (they live a few hours away), but I needed to be a responsible adult and be there for my kids for their Christmas. The consensus was that I would see them on Christmas day. The show must go on....

We made cookies for Santa....Maddy just can't keep herself from muchin' on some frosting and sprinkles

On the 23rd we headed out to the country to spend Christmas with my in laws. Aren't we cute! We ate, opened presents, ate some more. It was an all around good time!

Maddy received this beautiful doll house that had her jumping up and down for joy! She loved it

The cutest cousins

Christmas Eve we hung out and played with new toys from Gram and Papa and then we got ready to go to church service. Those are some cute Christmas curly haired church goers if I do say so myself!

Here we are camping out in our front row pew ready for the service to start

Throw in a little self portrait of a mama and her boy on Christmas Eve

Our church is awesome and the worship center looked beautiful. Then they made it snow in the sanctuary. Magical. We sang Silent Night holding up candles and we let Maddy and Luke in on the fun. My kids only almost accidentally set the place on fire a few times. Success.

Cookies for Santa and celery for Rudolph

Matchy matchy jammies on Christmas Eve is a must. Love them

Saying goodbye to Emily the Elf who was hopping back in Santa's sleigh only to return next year. Peace Out Emily!

So excited. Then we read the Christmas Story and had hot chocolate, so excited!

For some reason back in May when Christmas was like years away I agreed to allow my kids to have a sleep over on Christmas Eve and then THEY NEVER FORGOT. The fateful night was upon us. So excited they bunked up together only to be separated about 29 and 1/2 minutes later when they refused to go to sleep. Fail. Then there was the obligatory whining and crying because Luke thought the Grinch was coming instead of Santa. The demands of, "I need a drink and to take a poop!" You know, the usuals. Final all was quiet and that big ole fatty came down our chimney!

Santa put this loot out under the tree. Santa also ordered this mirror vanity set on line for Maddy and thought it was going to be bigger than it actually was. Dang you online shopping. Race Car track for Luke, life size superman (totally normal) A few fun dollies for Maddy and Christmas morning was a go!

Don't forget the stocking loot

The next morning the kids were thrilled. Hot husband and I talked about how you get a piece of that magic back at Christmas time when you have kids of your own. It's nice.

Christmas morning fun

Finally I made it to see the best Christmas present of the year: My precious baby nephew who gets to come home from the hospital today. He is gorgeous. I spent all of Christmas Day up at the hospital with this little cutie.

Merry Christmas Everyone! Hope yours was as magical as ours.

Peer Pressured Christmas Survey...

2011-12-19T11:16:00.000-08:00

So I am doing this dang Christmas survey like the rest of my blog friends because I have so much free time. There aren't a million things to do around here like wrap presents or clean the house, or bake some crap, or keep my children off the naughty list. So here goes!

1. Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?

Neither, Vodka

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just put them under the tree?

Santa is too lazy to wrap presents.

3.Colored lights on tree/house or white lights?

White lights on the tree, no lights outside because my husband was watching football and didn't get around to it. We feel ashamed and outdone by the neighbors. Go Insight.com Bowl!

4. Do you hang mistletoe?

We have a fake mistletoe I ordered off Amazon.com. I thought it was going to be bigger, but that doesn't stop me from standing under it all the time so I can make out with my hot curly haired hunk of a Christmas hubby.

5. When do you hang your decorations up?

The weekend after Thanksgiving. What is the point if you aren't going to have it up for at least a month.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?

Candy and Mashed Potatoes....maybe this year I will eat both together

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?

Watching Mickey's Christmas Carol with my brothers.

8. What is on your Christmas wish list?
A large bank account and trim waist line....don't get 'em mixed up like you did last year Santa! (Have you ever heard that quote...I stole it, not an original...credit where credit is due!) Really I want health, love, safety, and happiness for my entire family....
Blah, blah, blah....sentimental, but true. Bite me.

9. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Wrapping paper, although it looks like Maddy and Luke wrapped the gifts because I'm missing a girl gene when it comes to all that stuff.

10. Real tree or Artificial?

Artificial....I'm too scared of fire to have a real tree....don't they burst into flame at any given moment?

11. Do you like eggnog?

Not really it kind of tastes like a butthole with cinnamon

12. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes, two. One for the kids, one for me! Maddy loves to make her barbies play with baby Jesus. Although I'm quite sure Mary was much more clothed than those ho-tastic barbies they sell in the stores.

13. Hardest person to buy for?

My dad. He is so content with his life he wants for nothing. So I get him wine and tube socks. I think he might be part deity. The wine is for his deity side and the tube socks for his human side.

14. Easiest person to buy for?

Maddy and Luke. They love it all

15. Do you send Christmas Cards out?

Absolutely, one of my favorite parts. If Hot Husband dares to open one of my delivered cards he might not live to see another day. They are MINE...ALL MINE!!

16. Favorite Christmas Movie?

SCROOGED with Bill Murray. "I am happy with the path that I've chosen you little bitch!" Classic! We watch it every Christmas Eve. So warm!

17. Favorite Christmas song?

Oakridge Boys Christmas CD

18. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

On Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner, Cupid, Blitzen, Rudolph, Tim Tebow, Bob Stoops, Mike Gundy, Kevin Durrant, Kristie Alley, Sherry Shepard...that about does it.

19. Angel on the tree top or a star?

Always go with the star

20. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

Some People actually turn mean. I was at Walmart (go figure) and these people were yelling at eachother over the last can of Who-Hash (or something) I was all, "Calm down, Jesus is the reason for the season." They told me to eff myself. So mean.

Merry Christmas! Hope your Christmas week is filled with lots of love, laughter, and happiness.

-Katie

PS Christmas calories don't count so EAT UP!

Just because...

2011-12-12T11:45:00.000-08:00

They are cute!!!

We've been Christmas shopping...
Wrapping presents...
Putting them under the tree...
Yelling at the kids for trying to open the presents...
Hiding the presents somewhere else...
Looking at Christmas lights...
Singing Christmas songs...
Looking all over the house for Emily the Sneaky Elf on the shelf...
Going to Christmas Concerts....
Drinking Hot Chocolate...
Making Christmas Cookies....
Eating raw cookie dough...
Reading Christmas stories....
Freezing our booty's off...
Making a Fire....
Roasting some marshmallows...
Heating up our corn bags and sticking them in our shirts to keep from freezing...
Watching Christmas movies....
AND...
Talking about the coming of the Christ Child....

Bingle Jells...

Christians Tired of Being Misrepresented....

2011-12-05T07:28:00.000-08:00

As I look back on my December posts I tend to get a little preachy around Christmas time. We spend so much time discussing the coming of the Christ Child and what that means in our lives. We talk to our children about Jesus' birthday and what the true meaning of Christmas is.

I recently can across a facebook page called 'Christians Tired of Being Misrepresented.' The following pictures came from their site. I love it.

The greatest of gifts is love. Is there anyone Jesus wouldn't help? Is there anyone that Jesus wouldn't love?

He says to love thy neighbor...

Love thy Muslim neighbor

Love thy Jewish neighbor

Love thy homosexual neighbor

Love thy neighbor, without judgement or condemnation

The love of the Christ Child is the greatest gift of all.

Think of His love this Christmas and do as Jesus would do and love thy neighbor. Get up off the couch, put down the remote, and give of yourself to others.

Merry Christmas!

Katie

Elf on the Shelf and Planking...

2011-11-30T11:23:00.001-08:00

We received our Elf on the Shelf.

It is all the rage at Christmas time and I gave into peer pressure and spent thirty bones on this magical little creature. I was leery at first because I was all, "Really, a crappy little elf for thirty dollars...REALLY!" Well let me just tell you how AWESOME and well worth it our elf has been so far.

Here is the gist. Santa picks some special kids to send an elf to their house. There is a book and an elf in the box. The elf watches your children and at night she flies back to the North pole to tell Santa whether they have been good or bad that day. Then she flies back to your house and lands somewhere in the house. The next morning the kids run all over the house to find that magical little sucker! SO FUN!

Maddy named our Elf, Emily. Emily the Elf has been all over the house the last few days. The best part being when the kids are running around acting like wild banshees I'm all, "DUUUUDE, Emily the Elf is watching you! Shape up! You don't want a bad report for Santa!" And my kids start acting better immediately.

I think I'm going to make Emily the Elf do other things like swoop in and take all the toys away that were left out and she takes them to children who clean up after themselves.

Or Maybe Emily the Elf could give out spankings and time outs?! (Now, She has kinda turned evil, huh?)... jslashk!

If Emily could get her ass out and do some Christmas shopping then that would make this Christmas even better. And if that wooden little elf would cook and do some cleaning, earn her keep, then maybe I would let that little frickin' elf stay all year long.

For now she is making my kids Christmas even magical than ever. Thirty bones well spent!

Switchin' Gears....

Have you heard of planking? For some reason I think it is SO FUNNY....

"Planking" (or the "Lying Down Game") is an activity consisting of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location. Both hands must touch the sides of the body and having a photograph of the participant taken and posted on the Internet is an integral part of the game.^[1] The term planking refers to mimicking a wooden plank. Rigidity of the body must be maintained to constitute good planking.

We have begun our participating of this awesome game. You should too! Check out my roots...Looks like I will be hanging out with a little friend I like to call NICE AND EASY 98!

Until Next Time,

Katie

Thankful through the years...

2011-11-21T11:16:00.000-08:00

I was thinking back to all the Thanksgivings we have had over the years. I rarely post about it because I am one of those shameful people who get their Christmas Tree out before I gobble down some turkey on Thanksgiving.

My Nannaw passed away in April and we are splitting up for the first time this year. You know, now MY parents are the Grandparents of the family. My brothers and sisters are the 'children' of the family and my kid's and brother's kids are the 'grandchildren and cousins' of the family. Life cycles.

I started looking through the computer trying to find a picture for each Thanksgiving since Maddy was born. And I thought I would share. Enjoy!

Maddy hanging out with Jackson on her very first Thanksgiving. The babies were only 8 or 9 months old and my family is SO LOUD so I'm pretty sure they both cried the entire Thanksgiving holiday. In and out of startling because of roaring laughter! Pretty cute though!

Maddy's 2nd Thanksgiving, oh and looky there, a cute baby brother to be Thankful for. This is around the time Maddy started getting her curly mullet!

2009 Thanksgiving holiday at the Lake! Life is Grand. In 2009 I started wearing my "Thanksgiving" skirt. It is this long, black, sweat pant, type skirt. So comfortable. It is pretty tattered, but don't even think I won't be sportin' it again this year. My sister always comes up to me and says, "The Amish called they want their skirt back." But it is only because she is wildly jealous that she doesn't also have a long, black, sweat pant type skirt. It is tradition now.

Thanksgiving 2010. Yes, I'm wearing my Thanksgiving skirt. Don't Hate!

As you sit around your table being Thankful and shoveling food in your mouth 90 miles per hour please know that we will be doing the same and wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving.

-Katie

A Misinterpretation...

2011-11-14T11:25:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago one of my single girlfriends came up for a visit. In high school we bonded over laying out in the sun, talking about boys, shopping at Ross (What? Ross is cool!), and how we were going to wear our hair at prom. Not necessarily shallow, but young.

Our lives now are so vastly different, but we remain close. She has had her fair share of life hurdles as have I.

I wake up each day and dress my children for school. Make breakfast, run around trying to find the missing shoe that ends up underneath the kitchen table, covered with a blanket that my son found appropriate to bring to the dinner table the night before. I put Maddy’s contacts in, wipe noses and small bootys, and there is never any real time for me to get myself ready so I usually run out the door looking a little ragamuffin, but I would rather my kids look nice and I look like crap….who is with me?

My friend wakes up in the morning and goes for a jog. She sips coffee while she readies herself for the day. Taking great care with her make-up and hair. On the weekends she goes to yoga class, shopping, and out with friends.

It is funny because sometimes I look at her life and yearn for some time to sip coffee and do some yoga and she looks at my life and sometimes yearns for a family and a few children running around her feet. Although having babies scares the hell out of her and to be quite honest doing yoga scares the hell out of me.

With our lives in completely different paths we still find time to bond, which I love. That weekend I made some off-hand remarks, I know what you are thinking, “You, KATIE, saying something without fully thinking it through?” Yes, I know, sarcasm. Things that my mom-friends would totally understand, but that I think my single friend took the wrong way. I think I said, “Ahhhhh going to the bathroom without an audience…must be nice.” AND, “I remember the days when I got to put make-up on without someone pulling on my arm.”

To be honest…

I think I scared her out of wanting to be a mom….

Oops!

She was with me all weekend so my kids were more than adorable faces on a Christmas card, but full of their glorious flawed perfection….meaning, boogers, and a couple fits, and demands of attention and food, throw in some fecal matter and it was an all around normal weekend for my family. Blissfully normal. Blissfully loud. Blissfully messy.

I guess what I forgot to express to her was the simple fact that I wouldn’t have my life in any other path. I mean, it ain’t easy. But what wonderful, worthwhile thing ever is.

Because in addition to the occasional…daily…hourly fit, booger, turd. There is a joyfulness in motherhood not to be expressed in words. The family camaraderie. The big dinners around the table. The peace that comes from loving someone else so unconditionally. The overwhelming, impossible love of being a mom.

So I don’t sip espressos or have time to make myself pretty every morning.

I wear sweatpants on a daily.

I take a crap with an audience of toddlers.

I drive while wiping noses while simultaneously handing juice boxes behind me.

I am a mom.

Don’t be scared.

Be excited.

Because there is no better life.

ALTHOUGH, I would like some more QUAN (you know CASH MONEY) and a supped up mini van, but those are only minor details!

-Katie

PS Hot Hubby and I went to an engagement party this weekend which ended up being a surprise wedding (Congrats Jessica!) It was a red carpet event. Everyone was supposed to attend as a celebrity couple. We went for Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher (her hockey husband)

Can you even tell the difference in the two pictures? Okay, so maybe Carrie Underwood after having two babies, pre plastic surgery, add some thunder thighs, but she IS from Oklahoma, maybe we are distantly related...right?

My hubby also has is all over that Mike Fisher, please!? I mean, you ain't sexy unless you have curly hair!

I REALLY wanted to go as straight up GANSTA RAPPERS with fat gold chains, but the hubby nixed that idea...totally lame. We had a good time though!

PPS. Maddy starts drops for her high pressures in her eyes. It hurts my mom heart!

PPPS (is that even correct?) I'm itching to get my Christmas decorations out...DON'T JUDGE!

Halloween 2011...

2011-11-01T08:14:00.001-07:00

Halloween was so fun! We did it up big at Storybook Forest, Trunk or Treat at Church, Trick or Treating at my husband's office, and then out and about in the neighborhood. Enjoy...

My babies are getting big. The Fairy Princess and Iron Man took some time out from flying the universe to pick up some candy (namely Reece's for their big mama!)

Iron Man is cute!

I mean, I really can't tell if they are happy, well adjusted kids....can you?

The Daddy and his Daughter! Love it!

There are the scary pumpkins we carved!

While we were trick or treating Maddy would say, "Trick or Treat," then the people handing out candy would give her a piece. Then she would say, "How 'bout a couple more!" Seriously. I was all shouting, "Maddy! Stop it! Just say thank-you!" She would look at me with questioning eyes and say, "Mama, I wanted more!" Like, DUH! More times than not the people were so charmed by this cute fairy that they would grab handfuls to put in her basket. She needs to be in sales or fundraising.

I'm sorry 'bout cha, but that curly haired hunk is my husband and he is HOT! Totally hot. When I go up to his office to take the kids trick or treating I put on my finest pair of jeans and take great care with my make up. Then I sneak up to his office and urinate around his desk, marking my territory. So everyone will know he belongs to me. Okay, so I don't really pee on his desk, but I kind of want to.

We gave bags of toys, food and clothing to the hope center. We are going to try and do that every month. Our kids have been blessed with so much and we need to give back.

And if these two cuties don't make you smile then there is a hole where your heart should be. They are the bestest of friends and loved trick or treating together. I sure am glad my husband knocked me up only nine months after our first baby. Only 18 months apart my kids are never lonely or without a playmate or someone to smack! I heart them both!

Happy Halloween! Bring on the Christmas decorations!

-Katie

laundry...

2011-10-28T11:58:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else have the same issues with laundry as I do?

I do laundry on Fridays (meaning my husband does laundry on Fridays and I direct him while he does it)

Load after Load I carry in arm fulls and put on the bed in the guest room. Mountain O Laundry

Football watching/chasing children/cooking/cleaning/sleeping/reading/chasing children again commences

I walk by Mountain O Laundry and glare at it. (Maybe tomorrow)

Getting ready for church and no matching socks. Rummage through Mountain O Laundry. Some of it falls on the floor. (Must Fold....maybe tomorrow)

Walk by Mountain O Laundry and flip it off (Monday morning)

By Tuesday it has to happen. Folding commences.

I put all the kids clothes away neatly in their drawers by Wednesday.

I put all my husband and I's clothes into three different laundry baskets.

Rummage through baskets on Thursdays to find granny panties. All neatly folded clothes ruined.

Damnit, it is Friday, time to do laundry again. Finally put my clothes away because I need the baskets.

LAUNDRY = LOATHING

Maddy's Pledge...

2011-10-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

So much cuteness I can't even stand it....

School Picture...

2011-10-18T05:36:00.000-07:00

This is one cute girl! Every time I pick her up from school she is busy giggling with the boys in line. Lord, help us NOW. We might have to lock her up...

A new project...

2011-10-10T10:37:00.001-07:00

Hello Blogging friends...

I have been a little MIA because I'm working on another book. My first Novel. Yikes. I'm even going to try and get an agent so I cleared out a big box in my room for many rejection letters, but I hope to find someone who would like to take me on.

I just feel better when I am writing. I am nicer to my husband, nicer to my kids, and more fun to be around when I am using my God given brain to do something I love. Maybe that college education my parents paid for isn't going to complete waste as I sit home, raise my babies and watch reruns of Dora and Olivia.

All my free time, 30 minutes here, an hour there, is going into writing. It is a humorous book (imagine that) about a woman who has to deal with some very hard things in her life and she finds healing in laughter. We will see where the story goes!

School is going great for Maddy and for Luke. Maddy is busy making friends and being sassy. Luke, out of the shadow of his sister, is flourishing as well.

Does anyone else out there have a love/hate relationship with the television? I mean, I love the TV, but I adhere to the guidelines of two hours max screen time rule for my kids given by the LORD GOD HIMSELF or the American Association of Pediatrics. I walk around when the television is off and pace thinking something is missing in my life. I let my kids watch a show in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening. So I may get ready, make dinner, read a book. And I don't let them watch any more than that. Hot husband calls me the screen time Nazi, but I don't care. Then I see on facebook from friends, "puttin on a Disney movie for the afternoon," And I want to ask, "is that in addition to the two hour screen time you already give or is that your kid's only screen time for the whole day?" I don't ask because I don't want to sound crazy...good luck...right? But I REALLY want to. Am I the only one who even cares about the screen time rule? I am totally LAME!

After my kids go to bed at night you wanna know what I do? I watch hours of television like The X-Factor or Desperate Housewives (don't judge me).

Then the next day it starts all over again. I stare longingly at the television and wonder to myself what Joy, Whoopi, Sherri, and Elizabeth are arguing about today. Yeah, that's right, I call The View cohosts by their first name. Bite it!

But this last week has been fabulous because my beautiful, smart, giving mother got me an ipad. My thrifty husband has been trying in vain to not give into the iworld we live in. My desperate pleas to buy an iphone has fallen on deaf ears until now. For writing her book, A Miracle on Southwest Boulevard, she got me an ipad....HOLLA!

So now I can sit outside, in the living room, on the toilet and have my ipad in front of me. Pop culture will not go on without me just because I have my television off. The American Association of Pediatrics doesn't have a screen time limit for thirty year old, blonde bombshells, with thunder thighs...does it?

Pimpin' ain't easy, but it's necessary, I'm chasin' hos like Tom chases Jerry!

Word!

-Katie

(Sent from my Ipad....not really, but I can say that now that I'm an Isnob!)

To Infinity and Beyond...

2011-09-30T11:25:00.000-07:00

Three years ago today I gave birth to this precious baby boy who is affable and cute. Sneaky and sweet. Easy going. Crime Fighting with a great sense of empathy. Rock star. Stick hunting. Toy playing. Hat wearing. cookie eating. peeing outside. Little Boy. What a great kid!

Happy 3rd Birthday Luke. We are so very proud of the boy you are. We love you to infinity and beyond.

September 30th 2008 1:36 p.m. 7 pounds 7 ounces of absolute joy.

Living the rock star life as a cutie little baby!

God given Superhero family...

Smiley Luke...

Straight up handsomeness!

Watch out ladies. He may be short, but he will melt your socks off with his lopsided grin and big ole heart!

Our lives on the front row...

2011-09-19T11:19:00.000-07:00

In college when I would walk into a large or small lecture hall my tendency was to sit in the middle of the class, if not in the back. So I could pay attention or not. Sit next to a friend and pass notes and whisper. Most people didn’t sit in the front. There were a few overachievers, but for the most part we all sat in the back. Where we were comfortable. That was, of course, before I had a daughter born with a visual impairment. Before I knew the rest of my life would be lived on the front row.

Maddy is in elementary school now. It is clearly written in her IEP that she MUST be seated up front, on the front row, in the middle, for best optimal viewing. One of my favorite IEP mom statements to make is this, “I do not want her called out for being visually impaired, I just want the modifications made swiftly and accurately!” I mean, don’t get me wrong Miss Maddy will snap her fingers, raise her hand, and say, “I need to get closer to see that.” And I never want her to feel shame about who she is and what she needs.

Last week was back to school night. The letter home said “PARENTS ONLY.” So hot husband stayed home to watch the kids while I did the social thing and went on behalf of our family. The chairs were lined up, row by row. The last five back rows were almost full of parents chatting with one another, while the first three rows were completely empty. I started to move by instinct to a place in the middle of the pack, when I stopped myself and thought, “What would I do if my beautiful daughter was with me?” I turned on my heels, marched down to the front, and plopped myself on the front row, smack dab in the middle. Needless to say I sat alone, but was happy to do so. Because from now on my family will be sitting in the front row AT ALL EVENTS.

For Maddy to have a good chance at seeing what is going on she needs to be in the front row…period. Now, I am convinced of this and am confident enough to make the long walk to the front pew at church. However, my oh so hot, but oh so quiet husband is not as comfortable. It takes a little prodding and booty kickin’ to get him movin’ down to the front, but this Sunday we joined our new church and we proudly walked in, down the front aisle, and plopped ourselves in the front row, smack dab in the middle. We do it for Maddy. It is not something that will ever go away. She will always need to be in the front…ALWAYS. And so I pray for friends and family who have the integrity, confidence, and willingness to sit in the front with her.

Because life happens on the front row. Those of you in the back row are missing out. Life isn’t behind us, it is in front of us. On the front row. Will you sit with us in the front?

My 9/11 story...

2011-09-11T10:51:00.001-07:00

September 10, 2001 my mom called me and told me my brother Bill had made it to New York City. He was far from his home of Fayetteville Arkansas. He was there doing some training for his first job out of college at Morgan Stanley. She told me he was so excited to be working at the World Trade Center. Second Tower, Floor 65, she said he could see the Statue of Liberty from the window.

The next morning I was about to head out to class in the good ole’ town of Norman, Oklahoma when I got a phone call at my apartment. My mom was hysterical, “Katie, turn on the television, Bill is in tower two!” “Mom, what are you talking about,” equaling her hysteria, I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. As I watched the horror in front of me I hit my knees, equally hysterical. “You get someone to drive you to Broken Arrow, NOW! You are NOT to drive yourself.” My mom commanded, “get home!” Then the line was dead. By this time my roommate came out and started taking control of things as I was vomiting in the sink, she was helping me pack my bags and assuring me that she would drive me home. While we were walking out the door the towers fell. “There is no way he survived that.”

I balled all the way home with my roommate rubbing my back.

Meanwhile, my brother Bill was going through an ordeal of his own. When the first plane went through tower one he was in the cafeteria about forty floors from where he was supposed to be. Thank God. He was buying, of all things, ho-hos, chocolate milk, and a package of m&m’s. People started lining up at the windows and all they could see was paper floating down to the ground, millions of pieces of paper. They were made to start evacuating. He moseyed down the stairs with everyone else not yet understanding what was happening. He was on about floor ten when the second plane struck. The whole building swayed and it was then when he thought he might not make it out. While he was running out, service men and women were running up. He got out. I repeat HE. GOT. OUT.

Instead of waiting around he knew he better get to a phone because if his wife or parents were watching he thought he better let them know he was okay. Thankful to this day he didn’t just wait around to see what happened next.

He walked and walked and walked. No cell phone would work. No payphone would work. He finally got through and left one message saying he was okay, but we didn’t know where that call came from. We still didn’t know if he was okay or not. He walked and walked and walked and finally got to his hotel room. He got through to his wife and to my parents. We knew he was alive.

The next day he was trying to get home. Couldn’t fly. Tried to rent a car. There were no cars to rent when someone drove up and said, “you need to rent a car? You can have mine.”

He drove to Arkansas. He drove home. He was alive.

My parents had gathered all of us at my grandparents house. I walked in and they gathered me up in their arms while we cried tears of relief and sadness. I sat next to my other brother Kenny and we felt the other’s pain, joy, grief, sorrow, and relief.

We knew others weren’t so fortunate. We got a happy ending, but others holding up pictures of loved ones at ground zero, didn’t. Because Bill got out it put him and the rest of our family on the life path we are currently on. Without him our family would be very different indeed.

Bill had a little girl a few months later named Anna, a few years later another little girl came along named Lauren, and one final little girl a few years after that, Leah Grace.

Bill finishes seminary this December 2011. An ordained minister.

I will always remember.

God Bless America

Change is good...

2011-09-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

I have revamped my blog!

I was going to take it down all together and one of my besties (Love you girl) talked me out of it. I thought perhaps my blog wasn't good for Maddy anymore. Because this is what would happen.

1. I would make a friend

2. They would find me on facebook

3. I would usually accept their virtual friendship

4. I would post something new on this blog, which is linked up to facebook

5. New friend would read about Maddy.

6. New friend would insert gigantic foot in mouth with words like "I didn't know your daughter was DISABLED" "I didn't know your daughter was BLIND." "I told my kid (s) that they HAVE to be friends with your daughter because she is DISABLED." "We like to give to charity."

Then I would be all, "Oh no, we don't refer to Maddy as disabled. We are not charity. We don't need your friendship. I don't make my kids befriend your kids just because they are ugly!"

7. New friend would log onto facebook and defriend me

8. Virtual friendship would be over.

I have wrapped my identity up in Maddy's impairment at times. I would find myself wanting to tell people I first met. "Don't you know who I am?" "Don't you know how hard some things are for my daughter?" It's not good. I have decided it should be a need to know basis. I have helped a lot of people all over the nation and world, parents who have a child born with a visual impairment have found this blog and sent me emails, but now I'm revamping this blog. Aren't you happy I'm keeping it...I am!

Because this blog is about more than just Maddy and her impairment, but it is about my life and my family and I really want to keep it!

Soooooo Keep the Faith and the Funny!

Until Next Time,

Katie

2nd Annual Hemm Cup, Camp Christian addition...

2011-09-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

This year's Hemm Cup (our family olympics) has been one year of trash talking in the making for my husband and I (the defending Hemm Cup Champions). We decided to rent out Camp Christian in Choteau, OK for our annual games this year. My family has grown up going to Camp Christian. Many camp fires, love interests, camp songs, food, friendships have come from Camp Christian and it holds so many dear memories for all of us. So off we went to relive our camp days and to compete in THE CUP!

This cup was a little different than last year. Last year we played some hard core sports, soccer, tennis, volleyball, sprinting. We decided since there would be hiking and exploring to be done, that we would make the events a little less hardcore. Things that didn't last too long. Things we could do while still keeping an eye on the small children running around.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

First off, Someone has gone and gotten themselves all knocked up with a little, cutie, baby boy so my sister and her husband were out of the competition this year. We let it slide since she is cookin' herself up a sweetie little nephew for me!

Team Kenolly:: First Event SWIMMING

(these are their intimidating faces...scary)

We had the pool for two hours so we let the kids swim and then we got down to business. Each team member had to do two strokes, one there, one back. It was a timed event. My brother and Molly are competive swimmers so naturally Kenolly (Molly and Kenny put together) took first. The Domination (that's us) took second. Team Jobee took third. And my dad and brother took fourth.....meaning last!

Team Jobee (Josh and Brittany put together) Second Event: Minute to Win It...

Yeah, that is what I said, "Minute to Win It"....try as I might I couldn't convince them to do anything else. We did things like who could keep three balloons in the air the longest, who could bounce marbles into a bowl, who could pull out the kleenex the fastest....I mean, come on...LAME! Totally fun, but TOTALLY LAME! People cheated, changed the scores, there was yelling, flipping eachother off, CRAZYNESS. This is how lame it was, I don't even remember who came in first, but I'm pretty sure My husband and I came in last!

THE DOMINATION (that's us intimidating everyone...you are scared aren't you?)

Third Event: Headers with a soccer ball

My hubby and I also picked a strange event. How many times you could head the soccer ball back and fourth between your partner without it touching the ground. We picked it because it wouldn't last very long and because we would annihilate EVERYONE. Which we did. We came in first, The FB's (dad and brother), came in second, Kenolly came in third, and Team Jobee came in last.

Team FB and a Preacher (They are trying to intimidate, but really I just think they need to poop!)

Fourth Event: HORSESHOES

That is correct...horseshoes. They THOUGHT it would be no contest that they would win this event hands down, but apparently, even though I've never played before in my life I RULE AT HORSESHOES. I was throwin' up ringers and leaners like you have never seen. The Domination got first, Jobee got second, The FB's got third, and Kenolly got last.

We decided to have a wild card event to determine the winner.

Last Event Capture the Flag

Those that were not competing hid orange cones all around the camp. We had ten minutes to find as many cones as we could. Whoever had the most would win. Kenolly took first Which meant....

KENOLLY GOT FIRST PLACE AND WON THE HEMM CUP...I had to hand over the trophy (an ugly fat man buddha doll that has been sitting on my mantel for a year), they won the money, and they get to go through the line and eat first at Thanksgiving.

This really was their year. I mean they got hitched this year, won the Hemm Cup, are contemplating buying a house, and they are extremely attractive. (they come from good genetics)

Here Molly is making out with the trophy!

The rest of the time we ate good food, did some hiking and hanging out. It was a great weekend. I mean it really is just about being together as a family...right? (although I find myself campaigning for the hardcore athletic sports for next year...we will see!)

The cutest cousins in all of Oklahoma and Arkansas!

The kids had a blast!

I will leave you with this video of Luke doing his Macho Man walk, which we love and think is hilarious. Then watch him while he freaks about wanting to see the camera...good times.

In the meantime I will be training for the 3rd annual Hemm Cup....

PEACE,

-Katie

Toddlerhood is Fleeting...

2011-08-30T10:43:00.000-07:00

This is my last blurb on my Toddlerhood book. I really hoped you liked it and weren't too taken aback with the multiple curse words I used through out. But if Toddlerhood has taught me anything is that this time in our lives truly is fleeting and when you look back on it ten, fifteen, twenty years from now it won't be the tantrums, sleepless night, or constant battle of wills you will think of, but the joy they brought you and the wonderful memories will burn bright indeed...

Until Next Time,

Katie

Chapter Seventeen: It’s fleeting…

And then it goes by in the blink of an eye. Halloween trick or treating, pumpkin carving, pigtail wearing, Santa’s lap sitting, Christmas light watching, Barbie playing, bat mobile driving, dress up clothes wearing, birthday party planning, laughing, running, playing carefree babies grow up right before my eyes. Soon I will turn around and they will be going to prom, going to college, getting married and having babies of their own.

No longer will I plan out what to wear on the first day of school or scrub crayon off the wall in the dinning room. No longer will I eagerly await their return from preschool to tell me about the best part of their day. No longer will I see their innocent child faces on Christmas morning running to the Tree to see what Santa has left. No longer will they wait in anxious anticipation ready to hunt for colored Easter eggs that a big white bunny left all over our house. Because toddler hood is fleeting and cherish it you must.

In the blink of an eye a year turns to ten and off to high school they will go with lipstick and blush. Dreams of a real sports car replaces dreams of superman flying through the sky. Dollies are replaced by cell phones and face book. Picking up toys in the living room is replaced by worry of them stepping out into this world and praying they make good decisions, hoping they make curfew so you don’t have to ground them. Gone are the days that I was the love of my son’s life, Gone are the days my little girl pleaded only to hang out with her daddy. Where hide and go seek was the best part of their day and camping with their parents was cooler than hanging out with their friends.

Yes, the land of Toddlerville is maddening and hard and tiresome, but priceless and wonderful and magical and fleeting and cherish it you MUST.

Because in the blink of an eye it is gone, never to return, beautiful memories in its place!

So, Goodbye Toddlerville onto a new chapter…

Mom #3...

2011-08-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

Continued from "A Laugh Out Loud, Pee in your Granny Panties, Guide to Toddlerhood"

The Skinny Bitch Mom

This particular mom is elusive, much like the abominable snowman or Big Foot himself. She is the Skinny Bitch Mom. Now I’m not talking about someone who is thin and looks good in clothes. I am talking about the mom who can stand butt ass naked in front of a mirror, two weeks post partum after birthing her fourth child and not have a stretch mark on her and you could bounce a quarter off her ass. Already skinny and in a bikini four weeks after giving birth. Her boobies are still perky and with a smooth booty with out a single dimple or trace of cottage cheese. Do you understand now why she is so elusive? Because she pretty much doesn’t exist, however I did come across one once…at a damn water park.

My husband coaxed me into going to our local water park with our two toddlers because he thought it might be fun. I assured him I would not be having fun if I had to wear my “big mama” swimsuit in front of actual people. He said what most husbands better say if they ever want to get laid again, “Honey, I think you look beautiful in your bathing suit…I promise.”

I did what most moms do and I sucked it up for the sake of my children and strapped on my large blue “big mama” swimsuit. I found the largest pair of sunglasses I could find and put them on my face so no one would recognize me. My plan was to sit on the lounge chair in my swimsuit cover up and let my husband do all the work, but when my four year old begged me to get in the water I couldn’t let her down. Dread inching its way down my spine I took my cover up off and jumped hastily in the water. All my insecurities fading away as I watched and played with my kids and I saw the happiness and joy on their faces. However, that all disappeared when I watched a woman walk into the water park with her three children. Skinny with a damn six pack and a string bikini she sauntered into the pool with two children trailing her and no more than a two month old cradled in her arms. Every head in the park turned to her and her string bikini. I thought to myself, “She is the babysitter. She is the hot young aunt. She is the nice next door neighbor taking the neighbor babies for a swim.” But you could tell by the way she interacted with her kids that she was indeed their mother. I decided to find out for myself…just to be sure.

I grabbed Maddy and headed over to talk with the Skinny Bitch Mom. I whispered in Maddy’s ear to go try and play with one of her children. Being that Maddy has never had stranger danger a day in her life she did not disappoint and I was able to say, “Your baby is so cute how old is he?”

“Thank you,” said Skinny, “he is actually big for his age, he is only four weeks old.”

“Oh Goodness,” I exclaimed, “Well he is so adorable, did you adopt him?”

She looked at me with confusion on her face, “No, he’s mine.” I looked back at her with confusion and said, “Oh, a surrogate?” She said, “No, I gave birth to this baby exactly four weeks ago.”

“Well, that’s wonderful,” I said with a bit of jealousy in my voice, “You look amazing for having just had a baby.”

“Thanks,” she said and looked me up and down, “I don’t understand why other moms make such a big deal about losing baby weight. It just wasn’t hard for me. I actually wore my regular jeans home from the hospital with my third baby in tow.” As I looked down at my “big mama” bathing suit, my thunder thighs, and stretch marks I said, “Well good for you…come on Maddy we are leaving!”

It’s not like I didn’t watch what I ate and work out on a regular basis, but after I had my babies my body just wasn’t the same anymore. Even though I eventually made it back to my pre baby weight, I was just different. Try as I might I would never be back in a bikini. And there were days I mourned my body of old. It was really hard for me to lose weight and keep it off even before I got pregnant. After I had both my babies I inherited this sort of soft mama body. A body that was a comfortable place to take a nap if my children needed to. A body that was great to snuggle up next to on the couch and read a story. A mama’s body. Stretch marks and loss of skin elasticity graced my stomach. Would I trade my stretch marks and flabby arms in for a rock hard model’s body…UM HELL YEAH!

Would I trade my babies in for the perfect body…not in a million years!

Mom I want to fight for money #3 - Skinny Bitch Mom…pure jealousy!

And if you happen to be one or better yet, ALL, of these moms wrapped up in one, put on your boxing gloves and seek me out because I will punch you!

Tomorrow I will wrap up with : Toddlerhood is fleeting and cherish it you must!

Peace!

-Katie

Mom I would like to fight for money #2...

2011-08-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

(Coach Jones was inspired by a woman I used to coach against in college when I coached an Under 8 girls soccer team....beeeyotch was CRAZY!)

The Crazy Sports Mom

When my son was old enough to play recreational soccer we signed him up. Being that it was at the YMCA we didn’t imagine it to be very competitive. Their motto was something along the lines of “Nurturing little hearts and spirits through exercise and play.” I mean, come on, lets be honest how cut throat can three year old soccer be when we were supposed to be nurturing hearts and spirits. Well, I was about to find out.

Our first game we filled up our water bottle and put Luke in his oh so cute Bobcats uniform and took a picture. We got there about 20 minutes before the game started to find a mom and her daughter who had been there 30 minutes before the rest of the team doing drills. Never before had I ever seen a three year old do push ups on command until that fateful day. The crazy sports mom was dressed in a full soccer uniform with her daughter’s number printed on the back.

I whispered to my husband, “I hope she is not our coach.”

Walking up to the field, crazy sports mom approached us and said, “Hi, I’m Coach Jones.”

Damn, I thought in my head. “Hi, this is Luke. He hasn’t ever played soccer before, you know, being that he is only three and all.”

“Well, we played last season and today we are playing probably the best team in the league.” said Coach Jones. “This is my little girl, Sophie, we have been having her practice kick a soccer ball since she was only one year old, so she is pretty darn good.”

“Okay,” I said, “Well, we are just here to have some fun and nurture hearts and spirits, you know, like the motto says.”

“The best way to nurture spirits is by winning,” explained Coach Jones adamantly.

OH SHIT. She has got to be kidding me. My husband had to drag me away so I wouldn’t say something that was going to get me knocked out. I shouted after Luke, “You have fun baby, its all about having fun!” He just looked at me and smiled and away he went to practice with the rest of his team. I gave my husband an ear full on the sidelines before the game began. I was so nervous for Luke who would rather play in the dirt than kick a stupid soccer ball.

As the game began, sure enough, little Sophie, who was made to play soccer shortly after being pushed from the womb, was the best little soccer player I had ever seen. In the mean time my sweet Luke sat on the bench watching birdies in the sky. The entire first half Coach Jones paced back and forth yelling, yes YELLING, at all the sweet little three year olds.

“PICK IT UP BOBCATS!”

“PASS THE BALL!” “SHOOT!” “SCORE!” “GET UP!” “KEEP RUNNING!”

“YOU CAN DO BETTER!”

I even saw her pop in some canned tobacco and start spitting randomly on the ground. GROSS. Only 20 minutes left in the game she hadn’t even put Luke in to play. I was FUMMING! I got up from my chair walked over to the bench and said, “Its Luke’s turn to play!” She said, “No, we don’t put first timers in to play during the first game. He can play next week.”

I said a few choice words I shouldn’t have said in front of a three year old and then I said, “Screw that Coach Jones. Luke, go in the game and have so much fun!” Crazy Sports Mom looked at me like she was about to swallow me whole and then she said, “We will transfer your son to a less competitive team for next week.”

“You do that Coach Crazy!” I exclaimed.

The rest of the game Sophie scored three more times and Luke picked wildflowers back by the goal post, but he had a great time. We were transferred the next week. Thank God.

My husband and I choose not to live vicariously through our children. We had our day in the sun. We played soccer and basketball, sang in the school play, learned to play the piano. If one of our children happens to be good at sports or music then we will most definitely nurture that, but we don’t NEED for our children to be anything other than who the are. I urge you all to feel the same.

Mom I would like to fight for money #2 : The Crazy Sports Mom

SIMMER DOWN NOW CRAZY!!

Monday, Last, but certainly not least, Mom I would like to fight for money #3...

Moms I would like to fight for money, toddlerhood continued...

2011-08-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

Continued from A Laugh Out Loud, Pee In Your Granny Panties, Guide to Toddlerhood...

(This work is a compilation of things that have happened to me with Maddy, with Luke, and things that have happened to some of my close friends and family, some things are exaggerated for dramatic effect. I'm not talking about you...chill out!)

Moms I would like to fight for money

I will say right here and now that I believe whole heartily that all of us moms do the best job we know how to do. However, there are a few moms I have come across over the years that could use a nice punch in the face. I think you will all agree with me that you too have also come across a few moms in your lives you would like to get into the ring with and box. The reason I have such rage against these particular moms is that:

1.) I am either jealous as hell or

2.) They are annoying as all get out

You be the judge.

The Little Miss Perfect Mom

My children being only 18 months apart kept me very busy in those early years. Everything was a big to do. I couldn’t leave the house without cups, diapers, extra clothes just in case, extra socks (because one always got lost in the parking lot), infant Tylenol drops, changing pads, toys, hair brush, etc., etc., you get the picture. And this was just for a short trip to the gas station and back. Just packing up the diaper bag left me feeling sweaty and nervous. By the time I left the house my make-up was smeared, my hair was up in a pony tail, and I always had on my finest pair of sweat pants. It was like this where ever we went. Sometimes I would look down and find that I had put two different shoes on my son or my daughter had been playing at the park for the last 45 minutes with two giant boogers hanging from her nose. I was just that kind of mom. Some days it was hard for me to get both my children out of the house in one piece. I thought that was how all moms got along. Carrying two toddlers out the front door was hard, laborious work.

I decided to join a mom’s group so the kids could play with other children and I could have adult time with other moms. I envisioned it to be wonderful. The moms would sit around and drink mimosas and talk about the ups and downs of motherhood. We would laugh hysterically about potty training and other woes of toddler hood and we would eventually become the best of friends. WRONG!

I researched which group to join and the first day we met I was super excited. These were women I had never met before. Different than my high school friends, my college friends, my work friends, I always made friends fairly easy and was looking forward to my day among other adults. I rang the door bell and one of the moms opened the door and let me in. I immediately felt out of place. Five moms sat around the kitchen table drinking tea while their step ford children played in the other room. I got Maddy and Luke situated and wedged myself into one of the kitchen chairs. I looked around me and thought they were playing some sort of cruel joke on me. Each one of them had perfect hair and makeup. Toenails were all painted and none of them had black circles under their eyes like the ones that were a permanent resident on my face. And get this…heels, high heels, graced each perfectly manicured foot! There are only two reasons to wear heels at ten a.m. For church or if you are the local prostitute.

“Katie,” one of the robot moms said, “we were just talking about arts and crafts, what kind of arts and crafts do you do with your children?” Were they being serious? Arts and crafts, what the hell is that? I mean, I had a couple of boxes of broken crayons and sometimes I let my kids color on a blank sheet of paper which only lasted about 20 minutes before they started drawing on the wall or eating crayons like a waxy little snack.

“Um, my kids like to color.” I said. They all looked extremely disappointed in me.

“Oh,” said one mom, judgment coloring her voice, “I just finished modge podging my son’s entire room. We did it together. It was such a fun project.” HOLY SHIT, I thought to myself, what have I gotten myself into. Topics ranged from arts and crafts, organic school lunches, to fresh baked bread (Which all of the perfect moms enjoyed baking during their down time.) I sat in amazed disappointment and shame that I could barely heat up some Spaghetti O’s and toast let alone knead dough and bake up my own damn bread. Nearing the end of my play date from hell my three year old daughter ran up to me yelling, “MAMA, I POOPED IN MY DORA BIG GIRL PANTIES!” Relieved for the break from the step ford wives I found myself enjoying cleaning up my daughter’s fecal matter more than the company of these little miss perfect moms. I decided that this was NOT the group for me. I didn’t know why they were wound so tightly. I think they all must have desperately needed to get laid. Before I left I let them know I wouldn’t be able to make it back…EVER! Their relieved expressions told me they wouldn’t be losing any sleep over my absence in their demented group.

I also said, “I don’t know how you have time to modge podge rooms or bake homemade bread, I barely have enough time in the day to put on a fresh pair of granny panties!”

Mom I would like to fight for money #1 - The Little Miss Perfect Mom.

(you just can't keep up with toddlers dressed like this...sorry!)

Look for mom I would like to fight for money #2 later this week!

-Katie

Duct Tape Discipline...

2011-08-18T16:42:00.000-07:00

Chapter Two: Duct Tape Discipline

Discipline. Just that word makes me shudder a little.

Pre babies my husband and I were annoyingly coy with our smugness. Always out and about judging tired looking couples and their discipline tactics with their own children.

We would see parents at the store, at the restaurant, at church even, trying to reign in their toddlers. Yelling, bribing, doing anything in their power to get their children to mind their manners. We always smirked at one another, elbow nudge, eye roll, and said, “Our children won’t behave that way.” “We will be consistent with our discipline.” Thinking to ourselves, “We are made for this stuff,” “Yes sirs and No ma’ams,” will be a constant in our house. Oh how I would love to go back in time and slap some sense into the judgmental couple we were.

I read every discipline book I could get my hands on when I was pregnant with my daughter. The, no spanking, book. The, lots of choices, lots of time outs, book. The, you better spank or your children will become serial killers, book. The only whisper when you discipline, book. I read them all, every single one, and formulated in my mind how I would discipline. I would say “No,” first, then I would give a warning, then I would place them in time out, then I would take away a prized possession. Yep, easy peasy! Discipline would be a no brainer in our house.

Then I had a baby of my own and reality set in.

My daughter, being the strong willed child that she is, made discipline in the toddler years almost impossible. She knew EXACTLY how to push my buttons AND SHE WAS ONLY TWO! As she sauntered up to the dish washer for the 500^th time that day trying to open it and play with the dirty forks, knives and glass bowls, I would say, “No, Maddy, the dishwasher is a NO NO!” She would look at me and smile and open it any way. I placed her in time out, but she could care less about it. Singing “twinkle twinkle little star” the whole two minutes she sat in time out. Almost as if to say, “yeah, put me in the corner and make me stay here, but when I get up in two minutes I am going to touch the lasagna knife in the dishwasher and there ain’t nothing’ you can do about it Mama…I own you!”

Sure enough after she got up she moseyed right on up to the dish washer, eye balling me the whole time, opened it and took out some dirty silverware. Agitated, I would say, “NO MADDY I WILL GIVE YOU ANOTHER TIME OUT IF YOU TOUCH THE DISHWASHER AGAIN!” The raising of the voice didn’t work either. She was playing with me like, “hmmmm mama gets real crazy when I do this so I’m gonna do it again and again!” After five time outs and five renditions of “twinkle twinkle little star,” I found myself trash talking my two year old.

“Really, you want to play with the dishwasher, how about this?” I ripped open the duct tape and duct tapped the hell out of the dishwasher. Victory! I even did a victory lap around the kitchen.

My husband came home to find the dishwasher so taped up it resembled a disaster zone.

“Did the dishwasher break?” he asked, “What happened to it, is it leaking?”

“Oh no, I was just doing a little disciplining,” I said smugly.

He looked at me like I had lost my mind and said, “Did you learn the art of duct tape discipline in one of the discipline books we bought?”

“No,” I explained, “I came up with that shit on my own!”

When it came to discipline, my son was a completely different kind of toddler than my daughter. One stern look from Mommy sent him into a tizzy of crying as he fell to pieces right in front of my eyes. His look of pure heartbreak pulled at my heart strings as I placed him in timeout. Out of his mind with sorrow, he would lunge his body out of time out directly onto the living room floor and cry his eyes out. It was enough to make me NEVER want to discipline him ever again. I felt awful every time I picked him up with his grip firmly around my neck, head buried in my shirt, and pried him off of me and placed him in his room. Sitting with my back against the door and my head hung low in shame I would count down the seconds until I could spring him from his prison. He too was manipulating me in a totally different way than my daughter. Both effective in making me feel like the worst mother on the planet.

My son, Luke, born a mere 18 months after my daughter made life in those early years seem a little foggy. Going on less than 5 hours a sleep a night for three years I found myself walking around the house in a sleep deprived haze trying to discipline them both. If it was possible that a one and a three year old could gang up on me they totally did. One second they were the best of friends, laughing and running around the house, the next second one or both were screaming hysterically because the other bit, hit, slapped or stole a toy from their sibling.

One particularly cold day in mid December we were stuck in the house because of extremely icy roads. Toys strewn about the living room my children were playing together while I attempted to fold laundry.

“Bubba, I will dress you up like a princess,” Maddy said. Luke responded with giggles.

Well, that seems harmless enough, I thought, I am going to scoot back to our room and hang up some clothes. Not five minutes went by that I heard shrieking on both their parts. I run into the living room to find a princess dress strangling my only son while he had a fist full of my daughter’s hair. Fast as I could I untangled my son and separated them. I didn’t know whose fault it was so they both got time outs and the day really went down hill from there. Screeching from time outs to demands of “LETS PLAY OUTSIDE I DON’T CARE THAT IT’S COLD.” Pinching and toy throwing, my huge headache mounting, the four walls of our house closing in around us we were having ‘one of those days.’ They don’t happen too often, but when they do…it means trouble. The final straw came right before dinner when my kids were fighting over who got the damn purple cup. Maddy screaming, “ITS MY CUP!” Luke wailing, “MIIIIINE!” My husband walked in from work to see the purple cup sailing through the air as if in slow motion and nail me right in the back of the head while I stirred spaghetti sauce.

“THAT’S IT,” I yelled, “I’M CALLING SANTA, CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!”

I even made a fake phone call to the North Pole cancelling all presents and toys from Santa. I sent them both to their rooms. My 18 month old son didn’t really get it, but my three year old was devastated!

“You just called Santa and cancelled Christmas,” my husband said with humor in his voice. “Yes,” I exclaimed, “It just flew out of my mouth how stupid is that?” “We’ve had a rough day.”

“Okay,” he said, “But you can’t cancel Christmas.” “Yeah, I know,” I said miserably, “Give me five minutes to simmer down and I will go talk to the children.”

Five minutes later, my daughter softy sobbing about our cancelled Christmas, I walked into her room and pulled her up on my lap. “I’m so sorry I yelled baby. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” “Is Santa really not coming to our house?” She exclaimed miserably. Guilt swelled in my chest as I flashed forward thirty years to Maddy sitting on a very expensive couch and her very expensive shrink leaning forward saying, “Your mother cancelled Christmas when you were three years old and that’s why you are having a mid life crisis?”

“Honey, Santa will be making his yearly stop at our house. Don‘t worry. Christmas isn’t really cancelled I’m sorry I said that.”

She said, calling me on my bluff, “Call him then.” “Okay,” I said, “Hand me the phone.”

“Um, Santa, Mr. Clause, Christmas isn’t really cancelled at our house. I’ve got two fabulous kiddos over here and we will see you on Christmas Eve.”

Tears forgotten, she exclaimed, “CAN I TALK TO HIM!”

“No, he already hung up, sweetie, he has lots of toy making to do, but he promised to stop at Maddy and Luke‘s house on Christmas Eve!”

“Honey, you and your brother are still in trouble. We love you both too much to allow you to behave the way you did today. All dress up clothes will be put up until I think you can behave properly and neither one of you get the purple cup tonight. Okay?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” she said, “Sorry Mama.” And that right there is how I knew I was doing something right.

The “Yes, Ma’ams and the No Sirs” became more frequent in our house. The please and thank-yous, without us ever having to ask them to say it also became the norm. The empathy and consistent discipline started really taking shape. That doesn’t mean we don’t still have ’those days’ sometimes. We are human and us, as the parents, being able to say, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that,” is also a big part of our discipline culture in our family. You have to find what works best for your family as long as you are consistent and empathetic your child’s self esteem and behavior will start taking root and eventually take flight in their own lives. It’s not easy and I will never claim that instilling discipline in a child is ever easy. Being consistent is exhausting, but we found our children were constantly pushing the boundaries to see if we would follow through with our words and actions. And we do. We love them too much not to follow through with our discipline tactics. We are very careful not to be smug anymore and you shouldn’t be either because some day it might very well be you in the store yelling and cancelling Christmas. Now, when we see those haggard, tired, exhausted looking parents, a group we are proud to be apart of, disciplining their children in church we give them a knowing smile and a pat on the back. “Good job,” I often say, “Preach on brother, preach on sister.”

Welcome to Toddlerhood continued...

2011-08-15T10:11:00.001-07:00

Continued from Chapter One...

A little over a year old my daughter started walking and talking and becoming such an independent little spirit. We had her schedule down to a science! We woke up around the same time every day, ate breakfast, took a walk in the stroller. She went down for a morning nap while I showered. Shortly after she woke up we had lunch together, played outside, cuddled before her afternoon nap, played in the early evening until my husband came home from work.

After the initial shock and life change of having our first baby and the havoc it wreaked on our lives in the beginning, we got used to this new cuddly member of our family. Rosy cheeked and chunky I couldn’t get enough of her. I would eat her up whole if I could, tickling her feet and playing peek a boo became my favorite part of the day. My heart swelled just thinking about our girl. I felt good about our little schedule we had going, not yet realizing I was living on a false high and that having a baby turning into a toddler was ever changing. Having a child at all is ever changing and I learned that soon after my daughter turned one. In my one track mind I guess I thought she would always take morning and afternoon naps and that I would always be able to bath her in the kitchen sink, “MOM, not again with the sink, I get my driver’s license next week!”

Seriously though, I hate to break this to all of you, but mommy hood is ever changing and the sooner you come to grips with it the easier your life will be, but for me I learned it the hard way: In the toddler years.

14 months old my daughter’s new favorite word became “NO!” I would say, “Maddy, do you want a banana?” “NO!” “Maddy, lets brush your teeth,” “NO!” “Maddy, lets go to the mall and I will buy you as many teddy bears and candy necklaces as you want!” “NO!” It didn’t matter what I said, princess girl’s answer was always “NO!” She would say it with such force and foot stamping that I would flash forward 14 years and could see the teenage years flashing through my eyes in a foot stomping instant.

One day around 9:30 a.m., morning nap time, I said, “Maddy, its time for your morning nap.” She said, “NO!” “Too bad,” I said, “Sleepy time is a must!”

I put her to bed in her crib and she began screaming bloody murder. “NO!” She yelled, “OUT!” I turned around to find her climbing out of her crib. “Surely that is a fluke, she can’t really be climbing out of her bed…right?” I put her back in her crib and sure enough I’ll be damned, she crawled up and over the railing and plopped with a KERTHUMP to the floor. Holy hell, what do I do now? We skipped the morning nap, which meant I skipped my daily shower…not a good thing. I couldn’t have her falling to her doom from her crib that all of a sudden looked like a death trap. To keep her and my mind off of a no nap day we spent some time outside. I fixed an early lunch, I read her some books, sang her a few songs, but after a while she seemed so out of sorts I didn’t know what to do. I did the logical thing when I am about to lose my mind at home and called my husband, “Honey, we are having the day from hell when do you get off work?”

He said, “the same time I always get off work…what is going on?”

I said, with only a little agitation in my voice, “Well, your daughter has started climbing OUT OF HER CRIB! She will fall and most certainly break her neck so I can’t put her down for a nap, she is COMPLETELY out of sorts!”

“I will be home in five hours or so,” he said, “we will figure it out then.”

“FIVE HOURS,” I yelled, “GREAT, you have a nice little vacation at your office while I take care of your offspring!” Invariably I would take out all bad days on my husband either because he took it and loved me unconditionally regardless of my craziness or because he was the one with the penis that got me into this 'no nap time’ mess in the first place.

After trying to rock my twenty five pound toddler to sleep I gave up and put her in the car and drove around for 20 minutes until she finally fell asleep. I very quietly pulled into the garage and was going to try my hardest to unbuckle the car seat and take my sleeping baby and place her very gently in her crib with out her waking up. I know each and everyone of you have tried to accomplish this very feat and are currently cringing at the thought.

I got her inside the house, tip toeing oh so carefully, I shot my dog a look that said, “If you so much as whimper I will strangle you within an inch of your life and you will wish you had never been born!” I placed my baby girl into her crib and started to back away very gently when her eyes flew open. I put my hand on her back and said, “it’s okay, mama is here.” I patted her back to sleep and then I had the dilemma. “Do I leave her here and hope she doesn’t crawl out of the crib and fall to her death when she wakes up?” or “Do I stay here and stare at her until she wakes up to make sure she is completely safe?” Guess what? The latter won. I curled up on the floor, next to her crib, placed my hand on her back, my body odor filling my nostrils because I still had not taken a shower, and I too closed my eyes.

Not thirty minutes later did she decide that nap time was officially over. Still feeling out of sorts, both her and I, we decided to head over to McDonald's for some ice cream. Arriving back home I whipped out our ice cream, knowing it would be the end of all our woes for the day. With Maddy sitting in my lap we began eating our treat. So as not to spoil dinner we only had a little, but that wasn’t cool with the princess girl. When I took the ice cream away you would have thought I had pinched her as hard as I could. She reared her head back and flat out head butted me as hard as she could on my lip. “OUCH,” I screamed. My hand flew to my mouth and I pulled away a hand full of blood. I checked her head to make sure she was fine. Apparently her head was harder than my face. I ran to get ice for my bloody lip and checked myself out in the mirror. Ten minutes after the head butting incident I had the most enormous black and blue fat lip in all of Oklahoma county that not even make-up could hide. Tears stung my eyes as she giggled at me and my fat busted mouth.

My husband got home that night and looked at my bruised face and said, “OH MY GOSH, WHAT HAPPENED!”

I explained miserably, “Your daughter kicked my ass, we ain’t in Kansas anymore!”

Oh yes, welcome, welcome indeed to the Land of Toddler Ville. Fasten your seatbelts!

In the driver's seat literally and figuratively (don't worry we were parked)

Guide To Toddlerhood...

2011-08-10T11:30:00.000-07:00

I warn you that there are some curse words (loosen up) and there are probably some typos and grammatical errors because it hasn't been edited (don't judge), but enjoy the first few pages of this book. More to come later!

If I was dedicating it to someone it would be my parents: for I never knew the deep sacrifice and impossible love of a parent until I became one myself and the fact you both feel that overwhelming love for me is something I cherish to the depth of my soul and bottom of my heart! For the foundation you gave all of us, setting me up for a successful future filled with love and warmth! I love you. The long line of passion continues!

-Katie

Enjoy!

A Laugh Out Loud, Pee In Your Granny Panties, Guide to Toddler hood: A humorous journey through those tumultuous years raising a toddler

Chapter One:

Welcome to the land of Toddler Ville…there is no turning back!

Chapter Two:

Duct Tape Discipline

Chapter Three:

Why potty training is ruining my life

Chapter Four:

It’s nap time bitches!

Chapter Five:

If you take my toy away I will slap you right on your mug

Chapter Six:

Preschool musical chairs

Chapter Seven:

Toddler Truths

Chapter Eight:

Countdown to bedtime::: “SLEEP! My little energizer bunny”

Chapter Nine:

Dinner table dilemmas

Chapter Ten:

Toddlers are like snowflakes also known as STOP COMPARING YOUR KID TO MINE!

Chapter Eleven:

Television for Toddlers also known as my official nanny

Chapter Twelve:

Toddler proofing my life

Chapter Thirteen:

Moms I would like to fight for money

Chapter Fourteen:

My so called ‘special needs’ daughter living with a life long visual impairment

Chapter Fifteen:

How to have quality relationships after having children

Chapter Sixteen:

The Grandparents are grounded

Chapter Seventeen:

Toddler hood is fleeting cherish every second

Chapter One: Welcome to the Land of Toddler Ville, there is no turning back!

Welcome to the Land of Toddler Ville where all of a sudden your rosy cheeked smiley infant who sleeps through the night, eats all her veggies, and laughs on demand, turns into an independent little soul who without warning will throw a temper tantrum to put Russell Crowe and Naomi Campbell to shame. Not putting his milk in the right cup can send him into a tizzy of tears and screaming complete with his head spinning all the way around and green vomit spewing from his mouth (insert The Exorcist visual here). This all playing out at Grandma’s house where your mother explains very adamantly that these kinds of tantrums NEVER happened in her household or weren’t tolerated. Forgetting all together that she has amnesia when it comes to remembering raising her own children and only remembering the good times. Creating in her mind an alien child who never threw fits, slept through the night at three weeks old, always sat quietly in the car, “No DVD player necessary,” always used 'please and thank-you’ beginning at the age of one, were totally potty trained, complete with own ass wiping by 18 months old!

Oh yes, welcome to the Land of Toddler Ville where you find yourself so red in the face mad because your sweet angel just dropped your wedding ring plus your diamond earrings down the toilet. Yelling at the top of your lungs, “DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING ELSE,” as you emerge your entire left hand and arm in poop infested waters to save the family heirlooms. Out the window are the days you toted your infant on your hip judging all those 'terrible toddler moms,’ the ones who screamed and ran after their two year olds at the mall yelling, “I WILL GIVE YOU A SUCKER IF YOU COME BACK TO MOMMY!” Saying to yourself, “I will NEVER bribe my child, how awful,” because you ARE that mom now and you wish you could go back in time and slap that smugness off your own damn face as you look at your own toddler and promise him a trip to the moon and back if he would just sit on the toilet and “tinkle… just a little!”

Oh my, yes indeed, welcome to the Land of Toddler Ville where your sweet little baby starts having a mind of her own and DEMANDING she get what she wants IMMEDIATELY. Heaven forbid she has to wait ten minutes while her mama finishes washing the dishes. She wants what she wants when she wants it or she will straight up BITCH SLAP you right on your mug. In stunned surprise you will look at your angel with new eyes as you put her in her first time out (the first of thousands, maybe even millions!)

Welcome, my friends, to the Land of Toddler Ville, there is no turning back!

Copyright @2011

A Love/Hate Relationship...

2011-08-04T18:33:00.000-07:00

I have a love/hate relationship with facebook. I loooove it at the same time I LOATHE it! Let's begin with the reasons I hate it sometimes...

1. When married people both have accounts and they use facebook to communicate how much they love each other on facebook where everyone else can read it and vomit. I really don't get it. If I wanted to tell my husband how cute he is and how much I love him, then I pick up the phone to call/text him OR BETTER YET I just tell him when he is SITTING NEXT TO ME AT DINNER. I actually have a theory about couples who gush about eachother on the FB, "Oh How I LOVE YOU, can't live without you, so proud of you, want to kiss you, best wife/husband ever, how did I get so lucky, so on and so forth!" I believe if you are gushing over facebook then you are hiding how you actually beat the crap out of eachother in private. So if you put on your wife's facebook how awesome she is, I KNOW you are also putting an ice pack on your black eye where she straight up went Elin Nordegren (Tiger's Ex) on yo ass!

This is completely different than saying on your status update, "Happy Birthday/Anniversary/Whatever to the most amazing husband and father." That I find acceptable. It is when you leave your husband at the dinner table to log onto the computer or your iphone just so you can tell him you love him on HIS WALL so other people won't know he really sucks! Don't get mad at me, when I speak truth!

2. The number two reason I loathe facebook: When I log on to the FB I want to be entertained, moved, or be thought provoked so if your status updates are boring I'm kind of mad about it. I realize this is my own problem, but still the number two reason for my loathing...

3. The third and final reason I loathe the FB :: it can be really easy for people to be mean or for people to take something the wrong way because it is said over facebook. You can't tell tone...

OKAY OKAY...I will get to the reasons I LOVE IT

1. I set up most playdates through facebook and email
2. I love seeing pictures of people and their cute kids and it is easy to share pictures with family and friends
3. Prayer requests are simple, you ask and you receive from people all over the nation
4. Having an old friend find you and reconnect brightens my day, otherwise impossible
5. Logging on to find a long message from brand new parents in Singapore, Minnesota, Florida, Spain begging me to help them, give them hope, advice, wisdom because their brand new baby who they love more than their own lives has been diagnosed with a visual impairment...

Sooooooo, I guess the good outweigh the bad and I'm going to keep the faith, the funny and the FB!

I'll leave you with some cutie pictures to make you smile this week...

Look at that hair! I love it, curly, springy, fun! Would you believe me if I told you all I do it wet it down and it springs back up into corkscrew curls! Pre-K is around the corner and I've been prayerful for Maddy to find her true blue bestie. I have been blessed to have found several in my life, but I found my first (whom I'm still close with) when I was four!

If it seems like Luke is in the same outfit in every picture it is because we like to spend all our extra money on Maddy and Luke must wear whatever he can find in the trash...KIDDING, he is so little boy and likes to wear the same thing everyday. We even do the sniff test to make sure his outfit is acceptable... He is happy and cute and fun and wonderful!

What's that? HUH? YOu want to know what it feels like to be rated NUMBER ONE in the country in the coaches poll going into the 2011 football season. Just look at Maddy's expression...feels pretty dang good! Don't hate! BOOMER!

-Katie

PS I have some chapters written in my toddler book (follow up to my first funny baby book) I have been working on, but I don't think I am going to get it published so I think I'm going to start a series next week where I will post a chapter a week on this blog until I'm done. At least all that writing won't have been for nothing! Stay tuned!

What Happens In Vegas...

2011-07-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

This week my cutie husband and I celebrated eight years of martial bliss. Each year we do something special on our anniversary. Usually a bed and breakfast or hotel for one night so we can go to dinner and a movie, come back to take Maddy's contacts out, then back in the morning to put them back in.

When we moved my parents kept the kids overnight for us so we could unpack. Maddy wore her glasses and did just fine! Soooooooo, we started mulling over the possibility that we could escape for four whole days for our anniversary celebration this year. And guess what...WE DID! Our first official vacation in FIVE YEARS...just the two of us! We decided Vegas because it is cheap and fun!

After I left my parents almost five pages of instructions and had several trips to the bathroom for nervous spastic colan because I was leaving my babies, Maddy yelling at us to "LEAVE ALREADY MAMA AND DADDY!" (she was ready to party with Grammy and Big Pa!) We were off and running.

It was so fun to sit next to my hubby on the airplane, giggling, flirting and attempting to get him to join the mile high club with me!

First order of business was to watch Harry Potter: the final chapter. I was SO EXCITED. We got to our hotel, threw down our bags, jumped in a cab, and sped as fast as we could to one of the only theaters in Vegas. I just knew it would be sold out. After purchasing our tickets I was RUNNING as fast as my thunder thighs would take me to theater number 9 and three quarters. I threw open the doors contemplating what we would do if there weren't two seats together. We walked into an empty theater. I guess people don't go to Vegas to watch Harry Potter. We doubled over in laughter!

The rest of our trip was awesome! We sat by the pool with large pinacoladas, ate really good food, took afternoon naps, watched Zumanity at the New York, New York, walked the strip while holding hands, and remembered what is was about eachother that we like so much.

Eight years and many more to come! What a fun life! Enjoy the pictures of our trip!

About to blow this pop stand! Married eight years, two babies, a few stretch marks, and a couple age spots, but I think all in all we've held up fairly well!

Throwin' up eight!

Maddy wore her glasses wonderfully all weekend and her and Luke enjoyed lots of good food cooked by Grammy and lots of fun play time with their Big Pa...

The first of many fun drinks!

About to head pool side...

The cutest dude poolside....I wanted him to sport a speedo (but he wouldn't)

About to take on the town!

Heading downtown...

Walking the strip...

Grammy and Big Pa were TIRED when we got home, but it was so nice they watched the kids while we celebrated eachother on our eighth anniversary! Maddy and Luke can't stop talking about the fabulous time they had filled with Blue Bell ice cream, Indoor playground adventures, Chuck E Cheese, Chick Fil A, lots of laughs, smiles, and love (and a little orneriness:) Thank you so much! This trip also reminded me how much I love doing what I do at home, raising my babies! I missed them terribly!

And Ladies, I will leave you with this hot piece of eye candy! Eyes only, hands off he belongs to me!

PEACE OUT!

Katie

It's Hot...

2011-07-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

We have been playing indoor games and activities because it is HOT, hot like 110 degrees for the past two months. Even the neighborhood pool feels like swimming in urine because it is HOT! Too hot! So check out how we spend our days...

Maddy's first mud mask. I'm trying to keep up with her girlieness. She would very much like her nails painted, playing with make up, with ten bows in her hair and the frillier the dress the better. She changes her clothes four times a day because in her words, "just one outfit a day is BORING MAMA!" I guess I shouldn't tell her I wear the same pair of soccer shorts every day and my hubby has to pry them from my kung-fu grip on the weekend just so they can get clean!

Luke is mentally preparing himself for some OU football, now that the women's world cup is over! We were riveted. Really thought it was meant to be for that team. For the first time ever I will have to tune into dancing with the stars to watch Hope Solo (hot goalie) boogie down!

Booooooyaaaaa...I make miracles happen

Look, my husband is Smokin' hot! (he is the one on the right ladies!) This is him and David Boren just chillaxin'! We celebrate 8 years of marital bliss next week. We are celebrating BIG (more to come on our adventures next week)!

And I will leave you with this cutie picture of Maddy doing a little painting! Maddy recently learned to write her name and you may think, "yeah, so what. What four year old can't." But these small accomplishments are HUGE accomplishments in our lives. Because it is harder for her and the letters she makes are bigger, but WHO CARES. Not only has she learned to write her name, but she has done it completely developmentally on track with her peers. Rock on!

She has also given up her nap completely and I have fallen into the depths of despair to no longer get my two hour break in the middle of the day. I make her have a rest time, but it isn't the same! I spend the better part of 'rest' time trying to keep her quiet enough not to wake up her little brother!

Hope everyone is keeping cool and praying for rain for the grand state of Oklahoma!

PEACE OUT!

-Katie

I Believe...

2011-07-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

Praise for Cindi Hemm's Miracle on Southwest Boulevard

Diane Moody says

“It's been a long, long time since a book has inspired me as much as Cindi Hemm's beautifully written memoir about the transformation of Tulsa's Eugene Field Elementary School. Against all the odds, Cindi Hemm brought hope into an otherwise hopeless community. At every turn, when situations seemed too impossible, she simply rolled up her sleeves and worked harder, rounding up the cavalry to come to the aid of her beloved school kids. The heartbreaking poverty of this community would scare most of us far, far away. Instead, Cindi Hemm saw a community desperately in need of love and so much more. Gathering a phenomenal team around her, she initiated unbelievable change and transformation where there had only been despair. I laughed as I envisioned her climbing up on that front loader demanding the demolition crew salvage pieces of the old building's scroll work to display in the new building. I wept as she described the little girl sleeping in her office, with cigarette burns up and down her legs, her ribs poking out from malnutrition. And I thanked God for her gutsy idea of writing scripture verses all over the beams and concrete of the new building, to under gird the new school home with the most hopeful promise of all - a firm foundation in the ONLY One who can ever make a true difference in these children's lives. Radical move for a principal in today's public school system, eh?” Bravo for Cindi Hemm, for her willingness to fight for her students, fight the generations of poverty that surround her school, and fight for what's right simply because it's the right thing to do.

Seriously, Hollywood film makers - here's your next Oscar winning story! And what makes it so amazing? It's all TRUE!

Great book, great testimony of what can happen when one person refuses to settle for status quo, and a great, great inspiration for all of us! I want everyone I know to read this book!”

M.L. Kaiser says “This amazing, true story of how one woman single handedly made such a difference in so many children's lives is absolutely mesmerizing! Her trials and tribulations are really no differnent than ours, Cindi just doesn't take "no" for an answer. We could all learn so much from her!! Thank you for the inspiration to follow through with what we know is the right thing to do for our future generation!!! You are one amazing woman and so is the daughter, Katie, who wrote this book! Love you!”

M Rongy says “This is a very inspiring story about a strong woman with a gift of caring and loving each and every student. She is making a difference in the lives of an entire community! Her philosophy works.”

Anonymous says “This is an outstanding book that specifically outlines how one woman has changed the lives of so many! Cindi Hemm is an amazing, dedicated woman of God that holds herself to a higher standard than any educator/principal I have ever known. She has transformed her elementary school into a learning sanctuary where children feel safe and loved. I would recommend this book to anyone and can't wait to see what Mrs. Hemm will do next. My prayer is that this message gets heard throughout our country and people understand what it takes to have the type of education system our children deserve. Thank you Mrs. Hemm for your dedication to education and children!”

Ron Flanagan says “Miracle on Southwest Boulevard addresses the most important issue in the nation today: Education of future generations, especially in a difficult, anti-education environment.
The problems and successful solutions addressed in this book are a microcosm of problems faces, in varying degrees, in every classroom in America. The book is inspirational, and should be required reading for every teacher, and used as text in universities preparing teachers. Mrs. Hemm's message should be spread throughout the nation. The book is a wonderful read. Well organized, to the point. Once I began reading it, I couldn't put it down.”

Anonymous says “This book is a great read for anyone struggling in their life because it puts problems in perspective and makes you want to act.”

Eric Morrow says “A fantastic read about how one woman transformed a failing school. It's a great mix of how she actually did it and her own personal story. I read this in one day it was so gripping. I have no doubt we'll be hearing more about this book and Cindi as time goes on. People will be turning to her ideas (and more importantly, her execution), in fixing their own schools.”

Anonymous says “This book by Cindi Hemm will change your life. How one woman can change the world is one of the most inspiring books I have ever read. Rock on Cindi! I believe in miracles!”

http://www.westbowpress.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?Book=339463

Get your copy today!

I BELIEVE!

Eye Balls are chasing me...

2011-07-05T18:25:00.000-07:00

An Eye Update...

Maddy had an eye appointment today. We are seeing a glaucoma specialist. Maddy's eye doctor thought she might have glaucoma...again. Pleased to inform you she doesn't. What a roller coaster. I feel like having a child with a visual impairment is a struggle at times. That we have to worry that something horrible will happen in her eyes from day to day. That her eyes are ever changing, delicate even, that we don't just have her diagnosis and then we can move on, but that we always are guessing, praying, wondering, hoping that nothing is wrong. It is hard. I put Maddy in swim lessons and I have to walk up to the teacher and tell him that she must wear her sunglasses then I usually say some version of, "Maddy is legally (then I spell) B.L.I.N.D." Then I watch the panic on his face. Then I say, "She can see up close pretty decent, no distant vision, she does really well, don't lose her, she is my baby!" I say this in a hushed voice so none of the other children hear me. It is like this everywhere we go any teacher, church nursery worker, so on a so forth. As the other children splash around, I sit and worry that the water will not only get in her contacts and hurt them, but worry about the chlorine hurting the structures of the eye itself.

Last night before our big glaucoma appointment I dreamed that two large eye balls were chasing me and I couldn't get away. Not only was I running away from these large eye balls, but I was trying to carry both Maddy and Luke at the same time while running away. Apparently hot husband had to fend for himself. Any one want to interpret this for me? I will give you three guesses!

Switched at Birth

Okay, so I have been watching "Switched at Birth" and before you judge me and my juvenile love of all things ABC family, the reason I tuned in is because the main character Daphne is a hearing impaired teenager. I was intrigued. How would they handle the disability? Would they try and 'fix' her? How would it work?

Let me just say it is AWESOME. She is a beautiful, well-rounded deaf young lady, who is comfortable with the way she is. They aren't trying to 'fix' her, she reads lips, and speaks in sign language and so do many of the actors on the show. I recently read about the actress herself who is also hearing impaired. I just think it is interesting what people can over come and accomplish! And that isn't the only reason the show rocks. It has all kinds of teenage drama and who could resist. I sure can't! You shouldn't either, tune in, and the next time we see each other we can talk about the show!

I have been thinking I need to turn this blog into a book something like, "Raising my visually impaired child, by keeping the faith and the funny!" Thoughts?

We spent time with some good friends this weekend and we are blessed to have them in our lives! So I will leave you with these cute pictures of our weekend.

Until next time!

Congratulations Kenny and Molly...Jo,MO addition...

2011-06-27T11:37:00.001-07:00

This weekend my little brother Kenny got married in Joplin, MO, birth place of yours truly and where my beautiful new sister in law grew up. They are perfect for each other and the wedding was fun, filled with love and lots of laughter!

beautiful bride and groom, what cute offspring they will make one day!

Kenny and my mom the "Mother of the Groom" (official title)

Gorgeous Molly! I love you guys! I hope you have lots of fun and relaxation on your honeymoon! We were honored to be apart of your big day!

Just a month prior to the wedding of the century an F5 tornado ripped through Joplin taking with it a third of the city. As in gone. It was heartbreaking, hurl worthy, heart wrenching, stomach in knots to see the devastation of this town. You really don't understand until you drive through. Please continue to keep the people of Joplin in your thoughts and prayers. It will take years to rebuild. The good thing was that you couldn't even find a seat at the local McDonald's because of so many volunteers working. Keep the help coming, they are going to need it.

This is a picture of the high school that was demolished and below is a video of only a little bit of the devastation in this town. God Bless you Jo, Mo! Stay strong!

My future's so bright...that I gotta wear shades...

2011-06-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

Musings:::

We went to the public library for some music time. It was a guitar pickin' duo from Oklahoma. We got a place up front so Maddy could see well. There were about 30 kiddos in the audience. The music group said, "Get up and stomp your feet if you feel the beat!" That is all Maddy needed to hear. She was a gettin' down (the only child gettin' down) when the head of the children's library asked us to either move or leave because my daughter was too distracting for everyone else. Before we left I ripped that lady a new one and then told the rest of the library staff if they were going to employ people like that then they needed to lawyer up! Seriously, I yelled that in the library. We have now been apologized to and got an email from the guitar pickin' duo about how sad they were that we left, that we were definitely NOT a distraction and we were invited to another show of theirs! Give it up for Buffolofitz! Very talented! So we went back to another show where we all got up and stomped our feet to the beat!

They were AWESOME!

Healthy Eating:::

So I'm on the healthy eating bandwagon ever since I saw my girl and yours, Michelle Obama, unveil the new 'plate' instead of the food pyramid we've all been used to. It is all, "half your plate should be fruits and veggies, and the other half lean protein and whole grains!" I'm all, "WHERE DO THE DORITOS GO, PEOPLE!"

So I bought some whole grain noodles on sale and boiled them up for some spaghetti eating fun! We sat down to eat, took a bite, and made the worst faces known to man. It tasted like BOILED BUTTHOLES. I made my family eat BOILED BUTTHOLES for dinner. Hot husband was not impressed.

It physically hurts me to let left overs go to waste so after my soccer game last week I came home and said, "What did you make for the kids for dinner?" he was all dad like and said, "we went to McDonald's." I was like, "Well, I guess I will heat up some of these boiled buttholes and eat that!"

Sorry M. Obama I guess I'm going to have to make good ole white, starchy noodles from now on! I promise to pair that with some broccoli...OKAY!?

New Home Depression:::

We love our new home, but Maddy is still having some difficulties adjusting to it all. In addition to saying goodbye to her beloved home/room, she also had to say goodbye to the first teachers she has ever had and that she loved to the moon. So many changes for a four year old girl has been a lot to take in. After we were kicked out of the library last week I loaded the kids up and took them to a local park, one we don't go to very often, and lo and behold her beloved preschool teacher was sitting there with her own son. Maddy spent the next thirty minutes loving on her. It was like God plopped her down in our lap for some cuddle time for his girl Maddy. Thank God!

My Future's so bright, that I gotta wear shades!

We've been working with Maddy on things to say to nosy...I mean, curious kids when they ask about why she has to wear sunglasses outside. Which has been happening more and more.

Check out this sassiness! I love it! Don't hate on us because we are genetically cooler than most people. It really isn't our fault!

PEACE!

-Katie

Well, DUUUUHHHH...

2011-06-06T11:35:00.001-07:00

Each night I fall into bed, absolutely exhausted, rub my temples and think to myself, “Why is my daughter so tough to raise!” Because she is tough. Pushing the boundaries of every rule, she tests every limit we set, and still has energy to burn. ‘Orneriness’ should be her middle name and ‘Spunky’ should be her first. Spunky Orneriness ….hmmmm. I think it has a ring to it.

We went to the park the other evening, right after dinner, to let the kids get rid of some energy before bed time. Maddy still has to wear her patch over her right eye for up to four hours a day. It seems easier to do it in the evening when my husband is home, so we have two people keeping her from taking it off and trying instead to put it on the family dog.

So here is Maddy, patch on one eye, sunglasses on, sparkly flip flops, curly hair in a mop on top of her head. She is quite a sight as she saunters up to the park. Another little girl about her same age was there too. This other little girl marched right up to Maddy and said, “Why do you have a patch on one of your eyes?” Maddy tosses her hair around a bit and says, “because my doctor says I have to wear it.” The little girl says, “PULL up those glasses and let me see that other eye you have?!” I’m sitting on a bench trying not to come out of my skin. Maddy complies and pulls up her glasses to let the girl see her other eye. The little girl carefully scrutinizes Maddy’s left eye and says, “WELL can you SEE out of that other little tiny eye you have?!” Mama Bear is about to lose it when Spunky Orneriness aka Maddy, splays her hands very firmly on her hips and says, “WELLL DUUUUUHHHH!!! Are we going to play on the slides or what?!” Like stop wastin’ my time dude I got me some playin’ to do.

So then they played together. I was SO DANG PROUD OF HER! If it had been Luke or a child more sensitive or less spunky he probably would have curled up in a fetal position and cried. But not my Maddy. No way! She is taking on this world, ain’t nobody goin’ to slow me down, in a Puff Daddy kind of way.

I say all this to say, each night I fall into bed, absolutely exhausted, rub my temples and think to myself, “Why is my daughter so tough to raise?” Then I hit my knees and THANK GOD she is the way she is to take on this world. To be convicted in her ways, to stand strong in her values and morals, to have the wits and grit about her to come back with some thing great to say when people question her.

Yes, it is harder for me and for my husband, but I WANT her to be this way. She NEEDS to be this way. She has hurdles to face and to overcome. So off to parent teacher conferences I will go with ‘talks excessively’ marked on every report and ‘has to sit in the hallway for back talking,’ but also stands up for herself and for others who maybe can’t stand up for themselves. And if anyone has a problem with that then you can go through me!

THANK GOD for my Spunky Orneriness, my Maddy.

WELL DUUUUHHHHH!!!

I'm back baby....

2011-06-01T10:50:00.000-07:00

We moved this weekend and let me just say I AIN'T NEVER DOIN' THIS AGAIN! We are growing old in this house! This is the house that Hot Husband and I will turn the television up SO LOUD because we are 86 and can't hear anymore! I'm already stocking up on depends to go in the master closet! I'm just sayin', I AIN'T NEVER DOIN' THIS AGAIN! Way too hard! Especially with two very small children. It is a good thing we aren't ever doing this again because we LOVE this house.

This is the kind of house that seems to just give you a big ole hug when you walk in. Homey and warm. I see Luke throwing his college bags and laundry down and saying, "Mom, I'm home what is for dinner tonight!" The place where Maddy will bring her future husband home with babies in tow for Thanksgiving and Christmas! Their childhood home filled with wonderful memories!

That isn't to say we have had an easy go of it. Maddy has been mourning her old house even breaking down in tears saying she misses it. And she acts out when she is feeling out of sorts. Meaning, many time outs for hitting, yelling, and pestering her brother. Knowing it comes from a place of sadness makes me understand, but it doesn't keep me from wanting to pluck her bald. Luke, on the other hand, is taking it all in stride! Enjoy the pictures of our new home!

Living room number one (the adult living room)

Luke's room! Everyone has to have an OU room and if you don't, you are lame!

The kid living room. This space will be so nice to have. A space that can grow with our kids and some day when they leave for college Hot Husband will make into a man cave....scratch, scratch, burp. With signed photos of Bobby Stoops and Adrian Peterson!

We made the formal dining room into a library with a queen chair where I read the kids stories and one day will read them the entire Harry Potter series....what? That is totally cool! Who wants a lightning scar?

Here is the kitchen. We have to do some updating to it, but I love the layout!

Maddy insisted that she have a blue room in our new house and her daddy who she has wrapped around her little finger complied immediately!

Master Suite!

Guest Room

Here the kids are making space ships out of boxes

Love them!

Thank God for Grammy and Big Pa, who kept the kids for a day and a half while we busted out all the boxes child free! Love you guys!

Maddy can entertain herself for hours on end. I love that quality about her and her funny imagination! Here she is playing with those dang skinny barbies...she loves them! Check it out! Don't mind my man voice I've been battling the laryngitis for four days now!

Today we are headed over to our neighborhood pool! This neighborhood has two parks, a pool, and a fishing pond. Yay for our new home!

-Katie

Thunder UP!...

2011-05-21T07:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, this really is the last thing I'm posting until after the big move. I couldn't resist. We've been cheering on the Thunder Big Time over here in the land of Oklahoma.... Even the kids are in to it!

Luke and Maddy are slightly confused as he dunks a football and she dunks a soccer ball. But who cares they are cute!

Thunder UP!

Okay, my hiatus commences NOW!

-Katie

Peace Out, For Now...

2011-05-17T18:05:00.000-07:00

Moving suuuuuuuuccccckkkkks! Really it's packing suuuuuuucccckkkks! Actually, moving and packing with two rambunctious toddlers suuuuuucccckkksss! We are up to our ears in boxes, trying not to break anything expensive and getting rid of a ton of straight up junk that I didn't even know I had. Other than that life goes on....

The last day of school is upon us! Maddy has had a rockin' good year and is excited to start elementary school in the fall.

Here she is ready to wrap up the school year...

Here she is only nine months earlier, she has grown up so much!

First day of preschool...

Last day of preschool...

My big girl!

And don't forget that other kid I gave birth to! Hot husband is all, "Why do you have to put him in that shirt?" And I'm all, "because my baby LOVES his mommy!" As I try and stuff him back in my womb!

This is a fun new game called add water to sand and become a COMPLETE mess!

They love it! Notice Maddy has inherited my legs! There has never been a time in my life that my thighs weren't touching! Whatever, that never kept the boys from a knockin' on my door!

Maddy was at the park the other day and she was playing with this little boy. Hubby and I sat watching as the kids played together. All of a sudden Maddy tackles this little boy, grabs him by the face, and kissed him right on the mouth. The little boy looked all dreamy and said, "Yer pretty!" Hot hubby DID NOT find this amusing as he shot to his feet and yelled, "MADDY, LET'S GO!" Then he lectured all the way home about how we don't do that. Maddy did not understand why?

They love daddy reading time!

As we pack up and move into our new home, we have also started celebrating my younger brother Kenny's upcoming nuptials. He has snagged himself one classy, quality, beautiful, smart chica. Molly fits very snuggly into our loud and crazy family!

I'm starting my hiatus now.... hopefully will be back in the blogging world after the big move!

PEACE OUT!

-Katie

Signed, We The People of the United States...

2011-05-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

When I found out about Bin Laden this past Sunday I didn't really know how to feel. I mean, I watched these people dancing around Washington DC and at first, that wasn't my reaction at all. Are we really celebrating the death of a man? I was conflicted. Then I remembered what it felt like to get the phone call on September 11, 2001 from my mother who was hysterical. My oldest brother Bill was in tower two on the 63rd floor. All the way from Arkansas training for a new position at Morgan Stanley. We hit our knees praying he got out....he did, but many were not as fortunate as we were. Then I heard this little ditty on the radio Tuesday morning and it brought back those feelings of fear, sadness, and anger. I may not be dancing in the streets of DC, but Osama needed to go. Way to go boys!

Our nation has been damaged by your inhuman actions, you who we don’t even know.

You have destroyed our property, you destroyed our security,

and you have destroyed the lives of our husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, our sisters and brothers.

You have even destroyed our children.

You who we’ve never even met. So let us introduce ourselves:

We are a peaceful nation.

We believe in a respect of opinions of mankind.

We believe in our Creator.

We believe that we have certain unalienable rights that among these are life,

liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

We believe in We The People of the United States of America.

We are the sleeping giant that you have awoken.

It’s true; you who we have never even met, have destroyed a part of us.

But you haven’t destroyed our spirit.

Because we were made in the U.S.A and that comes with a guarantee

that when we meet you face to face, we are going to kick your ass!

Signed,

We The People of the United States

"God love her"...

2011-05-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

"Death is the end of a life, not the end of a relationship."

Nannaw and baby Luke....circa 2008

Louise Arnett passed from this life into eternal life with our Lord, on Friday, April 29, 2011, at 81 years of age. She was born Louise Meredith Terrill to parents G.W. Terrill and Jessie B Terrill on April 5, 1930, in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Louise was a graduate of Will Rogers High School class of 1948. She was a secretary to the credit manager at Mid-Continent Oil Company until she met the “love of her life and soul mate”, Bill Arnett. They married on August 17, 1950, and began a love affair that would last over 60 years. Bill and Louise Arnett took over the management and ownership of the family business, Tulsa Greenhouse. Tulsa Greenhouse was a mainstay in the Tulsa economy for over 85 years. The Arnetts were proud of their growing business that included four retail shops and 3 wholesale houses and a growing facility. Louise became an integral part of the business working side by side with her husband, however when asked what her biggest accomplishment was, she would reply, “My four daughters and their families!”. Louise is survived by husband, Bill Arnett of Grand Lake, daughters, Pam Morgan, husband Bob of Plano, Texas, Cindi Hemm, husband Jeff of Broken Arrow, Kim Hull, husband Tom of Broken Arrow, Patty Gambill, husband Brad of Siloam Springs, Arkansas. She was a “lover of babies” and our family had many for her to love, including 12 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren. She was noted for her great sense of humor, wonderful laugh and a love of all holidays. A memorial service will be held at Yale Ave. Christian Church at 36th & Yale on May 3 @ 3:00 p.m. Visitation with the family will follow the service at the church. Private family graveside at Ridgelawn Cemetery, Collinsville, Oklahoma. Our family would like you to know “in lieu of contributions……………please call your local florist and send flowers to someone you love……….in honor of Louise Arnett.

Nannaw sure did love holding that baby Maddy...

Four generations of very strong willed women...

A special place in her heart for Maddy

Back in a body that is pain free, enveloped in love, and long last home. Your "Nannaw-isms" will live on as will your spunk and zest for life. We will see you again. Rest in the arms of the Lord and we promise to take care of the "love of your life," our Papaw.

He is Risen and I'm packin' up my life...

2011-04-25T12:29:00.000-07:00

Bullet Style

*Loyal blog followers: rents, grandparents, the ones that find me at the local park and tell me about how you follow my blog and have read my books! I am having to take a hiatus in the very near future because we sold our house and are buying a new one.

*Our Easter was different this year. Maddy and Luke's Gram was sick and we didn't get to spend time with family. Get well soon.

*Packing up this house makes me excited and sad. Our memories are here. I brought my babies home from the hospital here. This is where I stayed up late rocking a screaming newborn while they projectile vomited while simultaneously crapping on me. I know where the Christmas tree goes, I can hear Maddy and Luke playing in their respective rooms. This is our first house as a family. We have done A LOT of work and have done even more playing.

*We have flat grown out of this house it is time for a new chapter.

*We were shopping at Academy and Maddy was running down an aisle and ran directly into a metal display jutting out. It sliced her head open and I learned that I was not good in a crisis. I grabbed her head and immediately started yelling, "CALL 911, WE NEED AN AMBULANCE, IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE!" I mean really? My calm, but oh so hot husband was right behind me saying, "we don't need an ambulance." While I continued screaming, "WHAT IS HAPPENING....WE NEED AN AMBULANCE!" "we don't need an ambulance," we didn't and a few hours later she was glued back together....good as new. The doctor said we had to cover the scar for three months in direct sunlight....cool, now that it is spring and summer and we live outside...good luck with that! Academy is paying for her medical bill.

* My cute, new, almost sister in law, Molly, is marrying my little brother Kenny in June. We have begun our celebrations. So exciting. I must squeeze myself into a green bridesmaid's dress by June so I started calorie shifting....ever heard of it? It is where you starve yourself one day, then eat normal the next day. It is totally working, but if this fails to make me a supermodel I decided only laxatives and water for the next two months. Totally healthy.

*Buy my book, A Laugh Out Loud, Pee In Your Granny Panties, Guide to New Mommyhood. See link on right!

*Buy my mom's book, Miracle on Southwest Boulevard. See link on right.

*He is Risen. The Easter Bunny Gives Candy, but Christ gives life.

HOLLA, PEACE OUT, UNTIL NEXT TIME!

-Katie

One Child At A Time...

2011-04-18T11:14:00.000-07:00

Book tells the story of "Miracle on Southwest Boulevard"

By Tracy LeGrand

Reading "Miracle on Southwest Boulevard" means wiping away some tears, laughing out loud, and at times, pumping a fist and shouting in jubilation "ALRIGHT!" The book is aptly subtitled "the remarkable true story of one woman's perseverance and faith to change the world, one child at a time."

The book, written by Eugene Field Elementary Principal Cindi Hemm with the help from her daughter, Katie, depicts the principal's past eight years turning the school from a 170-student mess in a decrepit, falling down facility to the current enrollment of 400 plus in a new facility and boasting some of the best test scores in the state.

"My mom does professional speaking engagements around the country about leading a community school in a high poverty area," said Katie. "After she speaks, people always want to know if she has a book because they want to hear more of her stories. Now, finally, we have it in book form - how with faith, guts, and compassion she turned a school on the brink of being shut down in to a wonderful community school where all children are learning and thriving."

Tired of bugging her busy mother to write, Katie stepped in to help, beginning with recording Hemm's recollections when the pair traveled to an out of town wedding in June 2010. From there, the book grew, gained an editor via family friend Dr. Lisa K. Lawrence, and is now available from the WestBow Press website, barnesandnoble.com, and amazon.com.

Hemm says her book is faith based as it is strong faith that took her on a journey from what she calls a "normal, middle class" experience to one where the toll of poverty including children suffering from abuse and/or neglect is an everyday consideration. Along the way, the Hemms have adopted two such children into their immediate family and, as principal, Cindi Hemm has initiated -and prayed into frutation- many policies as detailed in the book which have made all the difference.

These include:

*Intense community participation including the many ministries of First United Methodist Church of downtown Tulsa

*School uniforms, instrumental music, low-lighting, and other calming measures

*Daily Rise and Shine assembly giving continuity and structure

*Harvest Market non-profit grocery store run by volunteers.

*An in-school mentoring program, updated playground equipment, full bathroom stalls for privacy, a "Big Bucks" store with low priced, needed items the children can buy with bucks they earned via attendance and positive behavior

*The Eugene Field Baby school for children ages six weeks to three years old.

*A new school facility adorned with architectural detail from the old one.

*The formation of a foundation to help those within the community deal with emergencies such as utility cutoffs.

*And much more in the on-going quest to provide a place where, "hearts are mended, lives are touched, God is present, and the hungry are fed," Hemm said.

As Katie is promoting the book herself, she hopes to soon have it available for pick up and purchase at some Tulsa locations. Tulsa County News will keep readers informed on where it can be purchased in person.

Until then go online and order your copy today. Borders.com barnesandnoble.com westbowpress.com amazon.com

An Inspiring video...

2011-04-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.ted.com/talks/caroline_casey_looking_past_limits.html

If you have a few minutes to watch this I would highly recommend it. Maddy in 25 years...maybe? I believe in her and I know she can do anything she sets her mind to do. I need to get off the labels myself. I want her to advocate for herself, but I don't want to set limits for her. I don't want her to be Visually Impaired Maddy, but Awesome, Smart, Fabulous, Beautiful Maddy who also happens to be legally blind.....who cares about that last part because she is a light and people crowd around to stand in her light, not because she is visually impaired, but because she is uniquely wonderful, altogether fabulous, with miles of curls and smiles!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week.

PS My 81 year old grandmother (Nannaw) My mom's mama is in the hospital in ICU. We pray for healing, comfort, and love for everyone involved. My Nannaw is one of the funniest women I have had the pleasure to know. She called my mom a shithead (jokingly) just last week for taking her to the wrong resturant on her birthday, then she hollers and laughs! This past Christmas she told me that my husband and I could go have sex in her and my grandfather's apartment while they were opening their Christmas gifts since no one was using it. Doubled over in laughter whenever she is around is what we all do. We pray you are healed so we can laugh together again soon. We love you.

Nannaw and Papaw love them some Maddy!

-Katie

Wienie Man...

2011-04-05T08:13:00.000-07:00

This song is one of our favorites, passed down from generation to generation! "WIENIE, WIENIE, WIENIE, WIENIE!" So meaningful and deep! American Idol here we come!

Luke walks around the house saying "I'm gonna huff, I'm gonna puff, I'm gonna blow YOUR HOUSE DOWN!" Not so cute when he does it at the dinner table and green smashed up peas fly directly in my face.

Hot Husband is one awesome dad with his silly made up games. Charlie Good Time plays the games while I slave over cooking food, but who is the favorite parent? This video will tell you!

Have a great week,

Katie

Miracle on Southwest Boulevard...

2011-03-30T11:35:00.001-07:00

For a year now I have been ghost writing my mom's story. She is an amazing woman and elementary school principal in a high poverty area in Tulsa, OK. She took her school, Eugene Field Elementary, and turned it around from a school on the brink of shutting down to a wonderful community school where all children are learning and thriving. Our book, Miracle on Southwest Boulevard, is now available for purchase. Get a copy here:

http://www.westbowpress.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?Book=339463

It might just change your life!

In the midst of poverty a leader emerges. A school in which people had given up hope. A prayer warrior and woman of faith steps into the position of principal at Eugene Field Elementary. Faced with unimaginable circumstances as the new administrator at Eugene Field, Cindi Hemm steps up to create the impossible, a community school in which children are learning and thriving. An outstanding school of excellence able to stand up to any school in the nation.

Eugene Field Elementary a place where hearts are mended, lives are touched, God is present, the hungry are fed, but it is never easy. Live this journey with Cindi that will change your heart and mind about the amazing miracles that can and will happen if you work hard and believe.

Excerpt:

The next day I skipped a principals meeting and drove across town to Eugene Field Elementary School. All the confidence I thought I had evaporated as soon as I pulled up. A decrepit old building passing itself off as a school was the only thing that greeted me. I drove around the neighborhood, if you could call it that; surrounding the school were three large housing projects that would make up the attendance area for my student population. Dirty and unkempt, my heart sank when I saw the disrepair of the school and the neglect of the property. Littered with graffiti, there were no signs as to where to enter the building. Tears stung my eyes as I found a place to park. I did not want to be here. I put my head down on my steering wheel and began to cry and pray.

Happy Reading Everyone!

-Katie

An answer to prayer...

2011-03-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

Maddy had her EUA this morning. She DOES NOT have glaucoma! I repeat "SHE DOES NOT HAVE GLAUCOMA!" Praise JC, my bestie, for this answer to prayer. Thank you my friends for your thoughts, emails, comments, support, and love.

I'm off to San Francisco on vacation for FIVE days with my mom and sister. The first time I have EVER left my babies. A year ago when we planned this trip I thought it was a really good idea, now I'm feeling the angst. However, with a combination of ambien, lattes, and wine I think I can do it!

Disclaimer::: After much deliberation, research, and discussion with friends, other doctors, and family, we have decided we are not keeping Maddy from living her life because of a slightly higher risk of a retinal detachment. Jumping on jumpy castles, trampolines, water skiing, she gets the works. (more on this to come at a later date) So please don't stop inviting us to fun birthday parties and events! We will be there with bells on!

Much Love to you all,

Katie

Heart sick...

2011-03-17T11:07:00.000-07:00

I started this blog to find friends with similar situations as the ones we are facing and to keep family and friends updated on our girl, Maddy. In between silly posts like “Confessions of a fat girl,” and “Musings by a blonde blogger who looks like an oompha loompa in jeans,” we live our lives as parents of a child who happens to be visually impaired.

Yesterday we went to the eye doctor and for over three years now he checks Maddy’s eyes, tells us everything looks great, and sends us on our merry way. We have come to expect good news and never really prepare for bad news. Yesterday threw us a bit of a curve ball to say the least. First, the nurse asks Maddy to get into the exam chair, flips off the lights, and starts putting letters up for Maddy to read. Poor Maddy knew some of them, but couldn’t see all of them. Here we are all staring at her asking her to name these letters. “Um, Um, Um, Um, it looks like a ball, or maybe a c, I don’t know, it is hard to see.” All I can think about is how she will have to struggle in school and it is not fair. Maddy looks at us and said, “Did I do good, Mama?” “Yes, baby, we are so proud of you!” The nurse looked at us and said, “20/100 for the right eye, 20/200 for the left.” The first time we have ever actually gotten a number. “Wait,” my husband speaks up, “We can correct her more…right? She can see better than that up close, can’t we just get contacts to help her see farther?” “Ummm,” she stammered, “coupled with her nystagmus, ummm, you just need to talk to the doctor.” Basically, no, we can’t correct her any more than we already have. “Okay,” I said, “Nothing new here, nothing we didn’t already know. It is okay. It is just hard to hear.”

The doctor comes in. “Hey Doc, we are thinking about putting Maddy in gymnastics. What do you think?” “Absolutely NOT!” he exclaims! “Why?!” “Nothing that jars her head in any way, she is at a greater risk of retinal detachment.”

“What about trampolines?” NO

“What about jumpy castles?” NO

“boat rides, skiing, playgrounds, kid parties?” NO

So she doesn’t even get to be a kid? And if this was so important…WHY NOW? Why wasn’t I told this when my daughter was a rambunctious 18 month old jumping off the couch to the pillows below. She has been one of the most active children I have ever had the pleasure to be around. Why now?

“So if we get invited to a jumpy castle birthday party we have to decline?”

“No, you can go, but only five minutes alone in the jumpy castle.”

“That is flippin’ crazy, completely unattainable and NOT FAIR!” Every time she wrestles with her brother and jumps on her bed I have to worry about retinal detachment. I felt myself aging ten years with worry on top of worry.

Hot husband looks at me after the doctor left the room for a second and said, “Honey, he is covering his ass, Maddy can continue living her life as a child, stop freaking out! We will just continue to be cautious.”

At the end of the appointment the doctor said lets check her eye pressures. *Side note* (Remember that Maddy is at a higher risk of developing glaucoma in her eyes because of her surgery. Glaucoma is a big ole baddy that could further threaten the eyesight that Maddy does have).

Picture this, my husband and I holding Maddy down while she screams, putting drops in her eyes that feel like acid burning. She cries, we cry, we hate it.

The doctor puts an instrument directly on her eyes and pushes. Maddy was not happy, neither were we. We got a reading on her pressures…they were alarmingly high. We tried for another thirty minutes to get another reading to no avail. Lots of tears and anxiety later the doctor put in for Maddy to have her third ever, Exam Under Anesthetic. Next Thursday we will hand our baby off to people in scrubs that we don’t know while we pace in the waiting room.

Listen to me people….PRAY FOR HER…please! Pray for no glaucoma, pray for an easy, safe exam, pray for Maddy. Pray for her to NEVER have a retinal detachment of any sort. I know I have some prayer warriors out there, so please, pray.

Today I feel like this isn’t fair. I am the one in charge of protecting her against harm. The worst kind of pain is the pain you feel for your child who is struggling. I would gladly take her place, I would gladly be wheelchair bound for the rest of my days to have her not got through these kinds of struggles. Please don’t tell me it could be worse. I well know that…thank you.

Last night after two LARGE glasses of wine my husband had poured for me, he looked at me and said, “It is going to be okay. No matter what. Maddy has two parents who love her. Two parents who love each other more than ever. A loving, nurturing, fun, safe home life and environment. A brother who has her back. Grandparents who would fly to the moon and back for her! She will prevail.”

So, Now we wait.

When you hit your knees tonight say a little prayer for our girl.

-Katie

Miracle Maddy Turns 4...

2011-03-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

Growing up Maddy...

The day of the birth...

rocking our world as a newborn...

Age 1...

Age 1...

Age 2...

Age 2...

Age 3...

Age 4...

What a little lady!

More joy

More laughter

More clapping

More pooping

More curls

More wonder

More smilies

More milestones

More happiness

Than I ever thought possible...

Happy Birthday my wonderful Maddy! May God continue to bless the path you are on and may the next four years be as joyful as the last!

Dear Luke 2011 Edition...

2011-03-07T11:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Luke,

You are currently two years old and are growing up WAY TOO FAST! You have officially turned into a bug squashing, dirt playing, ball throwing, pick up the occasional dog turd, all out BOY! Outside is where you would live if I let you. Your fondness for super heroes has taken over our house. Any time you see a promo/toy/paper plate/napkin/ featuring Superman, Iron Man, Batman, or the Transformers you immediately stop what you are doing, get an intense looking face, and begin fighting crime in our very living room.

I started taking you to Mother’s Day Out once a week. Secretly hoping you would cling to me on your first day and beg me not to go didn’t do any good because on your first day I leaned down to kiss you and you pushed my face away and ran for the toys. You are not the quiet shy boy you were only a year ago. You have emerged as this outgoing, easy going, laid back, spunky little boy. Walking around the store with your hat on backwards, charming the socks off any and everyone who walks by. You have quite the swagger for a two year old toddler as you point, wave, and play peek a boo with every pretty girl that walks by. You have way more game at two than your daddy ever had in college when I met him!

A few months ago we transitioned you into a big boy bed. One of your last “baby items” to go. I only cried a little taking down your sweet crib. Thinking to myself that two years has gone by in the blink of an eye! You were so thrilled with this new development/accomplishment that took place in your room. The first night you crawled out of your new bed in the pitch black night and proceeded to get stuck underneath your bed. At 2 a.m. we heard whimpering and whining. Your daddy walked into your room and couldn't find you, but he could hear you. He searched until he found his little boy stuck under the bed. It made us sick to our stomachs to think you had been under there for hours. Thankfully, you have had the forethought to never do that again.

Can I tell you what improvements your verbal skills have made ever since you started speech therapy once a week. Only six months ago you had only ten words you said regularly, but now you bust out with, “I want some cookies, please!” Or “Uh-oh mama the train fell down!” Having colorful, complete conversations with your sister and talking in paragraphs to us. And what a relief it is to hear your adorable voice talking to us about the super hero you have made up for yourself, “HELBOBO HELMET BOY!” Which consists of a helmet, superman cape and your winter gloves and snow boots.

As your personality continues to take shape I sometimes find that I mourn your “baby stage” and with you being as perceptive as we know you are, you usually take that moment to stop your crime fighting, bug chasing, and truck smashing to crawl into my lap, wrap your arms around my neck, and snuggle in for a good twenty minutes of book reading. In those quiet moments I thank God for you. You balance our family, complete our family and make your daddy and I so glad God was more knowledgeable than us when planning our family. Because you are the perfect son for us, best friend to your sister, altogether unique on your own, a ray of sunshine in our lives and we bask in your wonderfulness.

So to you my little Lukey, Helbobo helmet boy, bubba baby I love you!

Love,

Mama

Dear Maddy 2011...

2011-03-02T10:55:00.000-08:00

Okay so you know when I said I would write a letter to my babies once every few months on this blog, then it turned to twice a year. I'm changing it again. ONCE A YEAR, okay? I can't stand the pressure anymore. Stop judging me! Here is my "Dear Maddy" for the year. Look for "Dear Luke" next week. Holla!

Dear Maddy,

I can’t believe you will be four in two short weeks. Four years ago I was waddling around my classroom teaching ninth graders wondering who you might be, who you might look like, who you might act like. Not yet realizing that the fight of your life would come when you were merely two months old. Where you first showed us your grit and passion for life as you persevered through a five hour eye surgery. Your passion continued to show through in the years that came after. And at four years old you are funny, energetic, smart, endearing, and downright feisty and we completely dig that about you. Because there are life hurdles for you to overcome and you are learning that quickly in your preschool classroom. That maybe you don’t see the same way your peers do, but onward you trudge with a smile on your face and a ready giggle for anyone who comes within ear shot to hear your beautiful sing song voice. Your daddy and I are so proud of you. You challenge us, make us better, make us laugh, make us mad, make us so happy. We sit in bed at night and recount the days events for each other and we get to talking about you and your brother and we get absolutely hysterical talking about your zest for everything that comes your way.

I have to tell you that it was the best accident, I mean joyful surprise, to give you a brother Luke. How you love your brother. He is your confidant and best friend and although the fighting and bickering (like brother and sister) may drive me nuts, the times you and Luke enjoy each other, play together, giggle together and absolutely love one another outweighs the occasional smack upside the head.

You start elementary school next year. Like going to school Every. Single. Day. Mon-Fri. I’m excited for you because you are so close to reading it is scary as you sound out letters in books. A recent development that have your daddy and I patting each other on the back. “She gets it from me,” I exclaim, “No way,” he says, “she gets it from me!” As we beam at each other. You LOVE school. You ask me if it is a “school day, cool day,” every day! But it kind of makes me sad because I am having to let you grow up. It hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes that I don’t get to keep you in a baby bubble as I did when you were so little. However, you are kicking butt and taking names at preschool, being exactly who you are with no qualms about it. And for that I’m grateful and see such a bright future for you.

You have a dramatic streak a mile wide. (I have no idea where you get this trait…wink, wink!) Throwing yourself on the floor in a fit of tears because Swiper from Dora just swiped Dora’s favorite soccer ball. “Oh No Mommy we will NEVER find the soccer ball AGAIN!” I roll my eyes and tell you it is just a television show, but to you this is the worst thing that could have happened! Equally surprised and excited, clapping your hands and cheering, when the beloved soccer ball is found safe and sound.

You look exactly like your daddy and act exactly like your mama. But we know you to be better than both of us combined as you laugh your way through life and learn to become your own advocate. Completely convicted of your ways I often tell people you will make a really great adult one day. But to tell you the truth you make such a wonderful little girl it warms our hearts and fills our souls with wonder and love for you everyday and I love you the bestest and the sweetest and to the moon and back.

Love,

Mama

Here is Maddy at Wacky Outfit/Crazy Hair day at school! She picked it all our herself!

And here is that beautiful girl with her Big Pa. They both happened to be wearing yellow because great minds think alike.

Until Next Time!

An Impression on my Heart...

2011-02-22T11:36:00.000-08:00

Last week on February 15^th I loaded my children in the car and headed over to a local park. It was a beautiful day outside and we needed some vitamin D for our jaundice, winter looking, skin. As Maddy and Luke bounded down the slide and ran around in circles I zeroed in on a comfy park bench to absorb some sunlight and yell out the occasional, “Knock that off, stop kicking your brother in the head!”

Another mom with two little boys around my kids’ ages had the very same idea that we did. She plopped down next to me to absorb some sun and yell out the occasional, “Don’t throw rocks and definitely don’t eat dirt!” We began talking. First about the weather, then about school, about church, and about life in general. She was funny, joyful, someone who seemed to have it all figured it.

I asked her, “How many kids do you have?” She answered, “I have three living children, but I have given birth to four babies.” I tilted my head and looked at her, “Do you mind me asking what happened?” She said, “My oldest son was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor when he was merely five years old. It was July when he was diagnosed and he left this world on Feb. 15^th 2006.” She looked at me and said, “Five years ago today.”

I hugged her, this woman I didn’t know thirty minutes ago. “Bless you,” I said. She cried while she told me about how they only made it through by having good friends, strong faith, and a loving, supportive family. She told me of the blessing that was her son and how she wouldn’t have changed how they lived that time even if she would have known the outcome. I cried with her. We talked more. I told her about Maddy and her visual impairment and how she is our little miracle girl. Maddy ran over to wipe some snot on my pants and this woman leaned down and cupped Maddy’s face in her hands, “Hello Miracle Maddy,” she said, “What a beautiful blessing you are!”

As Maddy ran off this woman looked at me and said, “I was able to find joy again,” as she gestured to her two beautiful little boys running wild all over the park. She was able to have two more children after her son had passed away.

Our time at the park soon ended and I rounded up my kids. She hugged me and said, “Thank-you for talking with me today. On the fifth anniversary of my son’s death. It was cathartic. We don’t normally frequent this park, but today I’m glad we did.” “Me too,” I said, “You have made an impression on my heart. May God bless you and good luck.”

I don’t even know her name

And we don’t usually frequent that particular park either…

Who has made an impression on your heart?

Who has God put in your path today?

Growing up too fast...

2011-02-14T11:07:00.000-08:00

This is my dad aka "Big Pa" with Maddy when she was one, two, and three. Oh yeah, and that other offspring I pushed from my body...the cutest Luke!

It just seems to go by so fast. I didn't fully appreciate the 'baby bubble' I got to keep them in when they were really little. Now I'm sending them off to preschool, elementary school, drivers ed, prom, college, this wild and wooly wilderness we call life. I would like to install a tiny, itty, bitty camera and GPS system into their arms so I can be there with them always. Call me crazy, but you want one too, don't act like you don't!

The Pioneer Woman is my bestie...

2011-02-10T11:05:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I have been hearing about the pioneer woman for several years. On facebook, at playdates, at family functions! Many a status updates have been dedicated to her and her recipes and cooking. I have some friends on the verge of stalker-esque behavior when it comes to her. I never really thought much of it though. Please, I would think to myself, I can cook with the best of them. I don't need her.

Then this Christmas my beautiful mother bought me The official Pioneer Woman Cookbook.

I opened up the present, looked closely at Ree Drummond and her kitchen and I was all, "HEY I KNOW HER...kinda!" Back in 2004 my husband and I were invited to a wedding at their ranch. The 'pioneer woman' herself gave us a tour of her and Marlboro Man's home!

She wouldn't be able to pick me out of a line up, but I was all, "Since me and R.D. (that is what I like to call her) are besties, I guess I will make up some of these delicious recipes I've heard so much hype about!"

I read the cookbook cover to cover. Not only is she a fantastic cook and photographer, but she is really funny! She makes inappropriate jokes about her husband's chaps and bootyliciousness. It is awesome and right up my ally!

So I went about making some of her recipes. Meatloaf, Beef Enchiladas, Potato Skins, Penne al a Besty, Cowboy calizone.

Let me just tell you that IT ROCKS! It is easy, simple, and absolutely YUMMOLICIOUS!

When I set a 'pioneer woman' recipe on the table to be consumed by humans, both my hubby and I want to crawl on the table and HUMP it, the food is THAT good!

Hot Husband is all, "BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER!" We set the divine cook book on the counter for safe keeping and sometimes I find myself whispering sweet nothings to it while stroking it ever so softly!

Go buy yourself one and you will not be sorry!

On another note, do you have a friend you have had since you were babies because your moms were best friends forever? Someone you know so well they might as well be related. A built in playdate whenever the mood strikes. I had one. His name was Justin S (I will leave you to guess at who that might be) his mom, Lisa, and my mom were BFF's from high school and college and we grew up playing together. I still count him as a great friend.

Maddy has one too! Dalton, her best friend, who loves her no matter what. I love to see them together now that they have gotten a little bigger. They play so well together! He has never asked about her eyes or given her a hard time about gettin' all up in his grill to check him out! And I'm glad they have eachother! See their video below!

Just a few years ago....so sweet!

Almost four years later with much more hair and sass!

Stretch Mark Barbie...

2011-02-02T19:35:00.000-08:00

Before I get to Stretch mark barbie I must tell you how 12 inches of ice and snow fell on the great state of Oklahoma on Tuesday. This is good and bad for several reasons. Good, because the hubster got to stay home from work for two days and we got some good ole fashion family time. Bad, because I start cooking and eating anything I can get my hands on at the first sight of a snowflake. Cookies, pasta, corn bread, chicken noodles, vegetable soup....you name it I cook it, then I eat it. My glass is half full, see, if we get snowed in for months and months and run out of food I've given my family permission to roast me up and eat me as I will feed the most people! Okay that got weird....moving on!

We played in the snow...

Cute bundle of Luke!

Cute bundle of Maddy!

We found a hill by our house and went sledding. The kids LOVED IT!

Luke is extremely brave!

Then daddy pulled them back up the hill over 1,000 times... I sat and contemplated what I could cook and eat when we arrived back home!

Sometimes I think the only reason Maddy wants to play in the snow is so she can come back inside, shed her snow clothes and drink hot chocolate. While I'm bundling her up to go outside she is all, "Sure does look cold out there, I'm going to be needin' some hot chocolate when I come back inside....yes, definitely hot chocolate when we come back in....mmmhmmmm!"

She gets her wish. Cute girl!

Luke loves it as much as his big sister!

This is what I find when I went to wake the kids up from their nap. Maddy had crawled into Luke's bed! They sat back there for like 30 minutes playing and talking about how they were going to get mama to give them more liquid chocolate! They gang up on me!

Okay, I'm switching gears. I have become disturbed. These two slutty barbies have become Maddy's favorite toys. I mean...really?! LOOK AT THEM! I'm kinda REAL SAD about it. Is this really what we are teaching young girls. Look how ho-tastic they both are. Other than that I worry about body image. No one looks like this...NO ONE! Look at their legs, heavy make up, and all around ho-ness. I don 't want Maddy to think THIS is what beauty is! Inside beauty is what makes someone beautiful...

Bleck.... I used to play with barbies and I adored them.

I've come to the conclusion that we need some talented, independent, beautiful, real women to look up to.

Trisha Yearwood. Love her! Talented musically and most importantly she has some kickin' curves. Maddy and I will start listening to her music and watching her videos on youtube. Let's make a Trisha Yearwood doll....

Ummm, YES! Serena Williams. Strong, talented, beautiful! Let's make a Serena Williams doll...

I make it no secret that we love us some Dora in our house. Dora is short, a little squatty, with short hair. She is a little girl, but more importantly, Dora is cool, kind, adventurous and says awesome words in Spanish.

Look what THEY did....

They wanted Dora to grow up and be a tween by putting her in tights, making her really skinny...BOOOO! We want Dora the Explorer...not Dora the Whora!

Again, having a daughter this disturbs me that THIS is what society wants from her! Shame!

I love me some Oprah! She does kinda feel like best friend material. Kind, funny, and she totally has thunder thighs like me and struggles to keep them tamed! Rock on Oprah! So they made an Oprah doll....I am very disappointed with what THEY came up with!

You and I both know Oprah DON'T LOOK LIKE DIS... A strong female role model we can look up to and they made her doll WAY TOO SKINNY! Oprah we dig you just the way you are! Shameful!

Okay so who wants to go into business with me! Let's make real looking barbies! These are the ideas I've come up with so far...

Stretch Mark Barbie (I would stand in line at midnight to get this one)

Pregnant Barbie (And I mean nine months bloated pregnant when the only thing that fits around you is two large blue tarps you have to sew together!)

Wobbly Arm Barbie (When she waves at Ken her under arm fat jiggles...YES!)

Hairy Barbie (She is super hairy with hard to remove facial hair)

Anybody else have any other ideas?!? Get creative!

Here is a proto type of pregnant barbie. She is still a little bit too pretty and thin up top, we will have to fix that!

This could be both Stretch Mark Barbie combined with Wobbly Arm Barbie

This list could go on and on!

We hope everyone is staying safe in the arctic weather, winter wonderland, snow-megeddon, snow-pacolypse, Blizzard 2011!

-Katie

EFF Duck Duck Goose...

2011-01-26T11:06:00.000-08:00

Maddy came home from preschool a couple of weeks ago and she was so incredibly sensitive. Anything I said to her in a firm tone she would completely break down in tears. “What is wrong baby?” I asked, “Did you have a hard day at school?” I questioned. Being the three year old that she is she couldn't explain to me why she was being so sensitive. I chalked it up to a long day and that she was tired.

Her daddy was putting her to sleep that night. Saying her prayers, talking about her day, telling her an adventurous story. “How was your day at school today, sweetie?”

“Daddy,” she said, “I don’t like to play duck duck goose at school.” “Why is that, Maddy?” “I get picked, I try to run, but I just can’t see. I don’t want to be picked. I just want to sit there and play by myself!” Ouch! Her daddy looked at his girl and said, “Well, we do our best and eventually the teacher will move on to do something you can do well.” She tilted her head in questioning and explained that the teacher’s wanted her to play tag and she couldn’t do that either. “I just want to play by myself.”

This is the very first time she has been aware that her eyeballs see differently than others.

He tucked her in and then had to do the hard part::: tell his crazy, heart on her sleeve, blonde blogger of a wife about their daughter not being able to play duck duck goose because of her visual impairment.

Needless to say, I didn’t take it well. I cried a little…of course. Then I cried a little more. Then he said, “every time Maddy has a hiccup in school are you going to fall apart on me?” I cried, “YES…DEAL WITH IT!” If Luke came home and said he sucked at Duck Duck Goose I would shrug, pat him on the head, and say better luck next time. But because of the impairment my heart bleeds for Maddy.

What is up with Duck Duck Goose anyway? I mean, let’s publicly humiliate the slow/nonathletic person by placing them in the mush pot…REMEMBER THE MUSH POT. I mean, REALLY? Let’s just break out the dodge balls and pelt hard rubber balls at each other’s heads….REMEMBER THAT? Tell me they don’t play dodge ball in school anymore. Forget all of that, lets just line everyone up and make fun of them while pointing, laughing, and throwing balls at them. I’m just sayin’!

After my short lived tantrum, my husband and I came up with a plan. Our stance is this ::: Do your best and that is all we ever ask. (We have definitely turned into our parents!)

But secretly our stance is this :::: EFF DUCK DUCK GOOSE and all that goes along with that stupid ass game.

Rally she will

Resilient she will be!

Musings by a Blonde Blogger...

2011-01-18T09:55:00.000-08:00

Writing:::

I like to write articles. Wouldn't it be nice if somebody paid me a million dollars to write articles and books! I love it! I tend to write 'article like' posts, but not today. It would be awesome if I could have my own column where I could drop the occasional F-Bomb and write about motherhood...anyone know of a publication where I could pursue that passion? It could be called. "Ask Big Mama K," or "A Blonde Ooompa Loompa answers your questions," or "Bite Me I say what I want!" or you could name my new column...if you wanted to!

Until that happens at least I have this blog until my kids get old enough to look on the Internet and then I have to take this blog down because I don't want Luke coming to me when he is like 13 and saying, "But mom why can't I cuss? You used bad words on that weird blog you kept like a thousand years ago when I was a baby!" Touche!

Losing Weight:::

I have mentioned before that my husband likes a big girl! I'm just sayin'! He is constantly trying to sabotage me and my healthy eating. Tempting me with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at 11 p.m. at night, bags of chips, and wine! Urging me to eat more and "go ahead and get thirds, baby, I like some meat on your bones!" Look, it is not his fault he find Kristie Ally, Missy Elliott, and Rosanne Bar attractive. But as much as he likes a fat girl, he also likes a little competition. I challenged him to a weight loss duel. I made charts and everything for our weekly weigh in. We were both on board. The first week I lost two pounds. He lost ten....TEN! I called off the duel my confidence can't take the pressure. "BIG GIRLS NEED LOVE TOO!" I love that man!

Impairment or Personality?:::

Maddy is doing great in school. HOWEVER!!!! She is super duper quiet. Talks to no one, connects with no one, and I feel upset about this situation. Why is it that she talks to any and everyone in any other situation and not at school. Yes, I know she isn't biting. Yes, I know she likes to go. Yes, I am glad she is following directions, but REALLY? Is it vision? Is it her 'school' personality? Do I find myself awake at 2 a.m. worried she has no friends....yes! I can't control it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to step in and help her connect with her peers. Please, someone, tell me it is going to be okay! If I didn't have something to worry about I would cease to exsist as a person.

Five Hours of Freedom:::

Luke is going to Mother's Day out once a week. I have FIVE hours of freedom. I love my babies, but Five hours with nothing but 'me' time is kinda awesome! I contemplate what to do...hmmmm, watch Brother's and Sister's? Nap? Eat my weight in girl scout cookies? Workout....(def. not!), Sit on the couch and listen to the peace and quiet in my mind? What I find myself doing is cleaning....LAME!

The anger within:::

I find myself enraged at people who don't have kids who have all kinds of advice for moms....REALLY?! It is so funny because before I had children my husband and I were a little smug, "Our child will NEVER do that," *hair toss* *eye roll* And then I became that mom with my child screaming in the store while people stared at me. I want to beg forgiveness to the moms I judged and smack the smugness off my own damn naive face of my previous self. Those of you without kids, Keep your judgements to yourself, have a kid, and then email me that you "get it" and apologize profusely and only then will I allow you to speak to me! I'm just kidding...kinda! I'm just sayin' "BOW OUT!" Maddy did this to me the other day. We were in the neighborhood Walmart, the four of us together. Just finished playing at the park and it was dangerously close to dinner time, all of us felt a little hungry. Maddy started acting up and I leaned in and said, "Maddy, if you don't stop acting disrespectfully I am taking you to the car!" That sent her over the edge in a tizzy of tears and screaming. I took her out of the store and she started screaming, "I'VE BEEN BAD....I WON'T GET DINNER....I AM HUNGRY!" over and over again. Never in my life have I ever called her 'bad'....never. And I never threaten to take away dinner....NEVER. All of a sudden she is screaming these words at me and I start to giggle while every single pair of judging eyes in the park lot glare at me and shake their heads. Some grandma marched right up to me, by this time I was laughing uncontrollably at my dramatic daughter, and that grandma glared at me and said, "you better feed that child!" I said, "I got it under control....GRANDMA!" All I'm sayin' is BOW OUT PEOPLE! You don't know until you have been there. I feel my anger subsiding now so I'm moving on!

Randomness:::

My back hurts ALL THE TIME. I always thought back problems were made up until I had two pregnancies back to back. Now I think I might die from the pain.

My husband wants me to go back to work, but I'm not ready yet. He is ready for the duel income we used to enjoy. I want my kids to remember that I stayed home with them for years and years. Even though I am working my tail off day in and day out I just don't get paid in CASH MONEY. I get paid in hugs, kisses, and fecal matter.

I find myself mad at skinny girls....ALOT.

We are trying to sell our house again.

I like to wear house shoes and wish it was acceptable to wear house shoes everywhere.

I get mad at girls who wear stiletto heals...EVERYWHERE...and then swear up and down their heels are comfortable....DON'T LIE BITCHES.

I get excited to heat up my corn bag, put on my sweats, throw on my snuggie, and read vampire love stories on the couch, and not move a single muscle.

I like to play 'old lady' soccer once a week and look forward to it.

I have a girl crush on Carrie Underwood!

I think I am done now with my randomness!

My hubby has taken to cutting Luke's hair himself. One day Luke will say, "Dad, enough! I have three bald spots I'm going to get pushed in a locker for this!" *eye roll*

This picture melts me! This is about how I sum up my sweet little family. He plays with the kids while I make dinner. He plays with the kids while I clean up, He reads the bedtime stories, combs hair, brushes teeth. He can do it all. So what if he wears black dress socks with athletic shorts, his sexiness shines through!

PEACE OUT!

-KK

Black Eyed Peas...

2011-01-13T18:33:00.000-08:00

Even if Fergy pees herself on stage I still find this incredibly inspiring! Enjoy...

Black Eyed Peas member Apl.de.ap suffers from a rare genetic eye disorder that has rendered him legally blind.

This rapper, real name Allan Pineda Lindo, has revealed he has constant blurry vision and severe nearsightedness as a result of nystagmus, which makes his eyeballs vibrate involuntarily. His vision is so poor that even with optimal contact lenses, he is legally blind, reports People magazine.

“I’m good at shapes. If I’m not close, even if it’s big, I can’t read it,” said Apl, who is also colorblind.

Apl admits secretly suffering from the condition as a child sparked his interest in hip-hop.

He adds, “Until I discovered hip-hop, I felt I wasn’t going to accomplish anything. When I dance, I picture myself and the floor in my head…

Laughing all the way to the bank! Rock on Apl.de.ap, Rock on!

The Witching Hour...

2011-01-10T10:39:00.000-08:00

The dreaded 3:30 to 5:30 PM!

I always have high hopes that when my husband gets home from work at 5:30 that the house can be a place of calm for him to walk into. Roaring fire in the hearth, dinner piping hot on the stove, children reading books quietly on the floor always shelving the books away when they are finished, classical music playing in the background, me in the kitchen setting the table, full make-up and hair did!….YEAH RIGHT! Then I wake up and realize I don’t live in the 1940’s and I have wild banshee children by the time 5 p.m. rolls around!

I wake up in the morning with energy to play with my kids, patience abundance, and on a good day I even slap on some make up and my best pair of sweatpants before my kids wake up for breakfast. But after many disputes over toys, toddler turds leaking out of diapers, crawling on the living room floor searching for the f’ing sippy cup from breakfast that has milk in it and is most certainly stuffed under the couch cushion curdling, only to be found a week later when Luke tries to drink cottage cheese out of the top of it as I scream, “NOOOOOOOO!” and tackle him to the ground and wrestle away the rotten sippy cup and throw it directly in the trash. “Where are all the sippy cups?” my husband often asks, “I know we have bought like 1,000 cups…where are they?” I shrug, knowing they all live at the city dump!

By the time 3:30 p.m. rolls around every day I have become a frazzled version of myself with little patience to spare. Trying to stir the spaghetti sauce, keeping Luke back from the stove with my leg, side ponytail, snot on my pants, sweat rolling down my back as Maddy demands a snack. I start to LOSE IT! I look at the clock and countdown the minutes until my husband walks in the door. At 4:45 I think I won’t make it another 45 minutes as Maddy and Luke fight over who was sitting on the couch first. Sometimes I even call my husband’s office at 5:02 to make sure he has left and if he hasn’t I fall into a pit of despair and agony. “Please, for the love of all that is decent…COME HOME!”

Finally, he arrives home at 5:30 in the p.m. There is no fire roaring, no classical music playing, no made up wife. Instead he finds the house a complete and utter disaster area. He steps over thousands of barbies, blocks, books, and balls. He finds the children running crazy all over the house, wife disheveled, dinner usually burnt…awesome! He says, “I’m going to go change my clothes.” and I find that request completely unreasonable as I say, “NO! IT IS YOUR SHIFT!”

After dinner I swear up and down that I have to go to the bathroom! I creep back to the bedroom, lock the door, and decompress for about ten minutes. I check my email and facebook account and rub my temples. Going back into the living room my husband smiles and says, “how was that bathroom break?” He knows what I was doing and he doesn’t give me grief about it. “Oh Man, it was a shy one!” as I fake pressing my hands to my stomach.

Only then, can I bask in the fact that I feel whole once again because we are all four back together and my little family is the most important, most precious thing in my whole entire world!

I believe it is equally hard for those mom friends who work a full day. Running around in the morning, making lunches/breakfasts, packing backpacks and diaper bags, dropping babies off at various locations for daycare/school. Working a full day only to race to pick up your reason for being, your reason for living…your babies. Race home, headache mounting, trying to cook/clean, and spend quality time with your children before they go off to bed. Fall into bed finally, only to do it all over again the next day. It would be hard…I can only imagine.

One day when life isn’t so crazy we might find the time to have a roaring fire and classical music playing in the background! Maybe you can too! I will let you know when that day comes!

When is your “witching hour?”

2010:::A Year In Review...

2011-01-01T11:16:00.001-08:00

Prepare yourselves for the official 2010 review! Enjoy!

-Katie

January -

-Battle of the wills. Maddy vs. Mama. Maddy roams the house or strips naked to avoid going to bed. Putting her in a sleeper backwards does the trick. Thank God we are out of that phase.

-I declare myself an official loser as I REREAD the Twilight series as well as Harry Potter! "You're a wizard Harry!"

-First IEP meeting as Maddy transitions into her public school system.

-Luke begins bitch slappin' folks...tell me it ends!

-Winter storm/state of emergency 2010 keeps us snowed/iced in for FOUR days!

February --

-My husband is HOT, "it is okay to be jealous!"

-I learn to let my kids play by themselves and I discover a magical world of moonbeams, dragons and People magazine...you should too!

-My almost three year old Maddy tests like a freakin' SIX year old during public school "testing"...move over Einstein there is a new brain in town!

March --

-My book, "A Laugh Out Loud, Pee In Your Granny Panties, Guide to New Mommyhood," gets published get a copy here :: http://www.amazon.com/Laugh-Granny-Panties-Guide-Mommyhood/dp/1432755072/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267811831&sr=1-1
(You've missed half your life if you haven't already!)

-My Miracle Maddy turns three.

-We said goodbye to Maddy's Sooner Start therapists, women who feel very much apart of my family.

-We invite 50 of our closest friends and family to celebrate Maddy's birthday. It is a little excessive!

April --

-Happy Easter 2010. After three egg hunts the kiddos were flat out worn out!

-Hellllloooooo Heather Armstrong and I are besties dooce.com FUPAS FOR LIFE!

-My mom, the best elementary school principal ever. I hope to get to heaven on her coat tails. Look for her book that I have been ghost writing, "Miracle on Southwest Boulevard," to be published in 2011...GO Mom!

May--

-Maddy comes up with her own way to describe herself when asked about her impairment at the park, "That's just me Maddy!" Our new motto. The student becomes the teacher!

-On Mother's Day I went on the radio to promote my book, such fun was had by all!

-We begin celebrating with parties and showers for my sister's upcoming nuptials.

June --

-Memorial Day downer, we all get sick with the vomit virus from hell and in between puke sessions we wait for the only reprieve: the sweet release of death. Then we got better and stopped with all the drama....kinda!

-Dear Maddy, Dear Luke...my semi annual letter to my babies! Love you bunches!

-I throw a damn good party for my sister, Cindi, the bride-to-be!

-The kids love them some Ginger's Kindermusic camp!

July --

-We are Sooner Born and Sooner Bred, Go OU, Happy Independence Day!

-Congratulations Cindi and Steve on your wedding, but most importantly on a lifetime of love and happiness!

-Maddy "the advocate" explains to her VBS teacher that "she needs to get closer to see the project!"....SNAP!

-I worry about Luke's lack of speech

-I celebrate seven years of marriage to my own personal Patrick Swayze, Justin Timberlake, Taye Diggs, Heath Ledger lookalike, HOTTIE OF A HUBBY....SEVEN! Love you and your beautiful head of curly hair!

-Let's give Bert and Ernie the right to finally get married to each other. In related news President Obama signs into law the repel of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" PEACE OUT! Serve with dignity, honor, and respect! boooooyaaaaa!

August--

-I turned TWENTY-FINE (29)

-We frequent the Grand Lake O The Cherokees, can I get a WHAT WHAT!

- Mommy Guilt, Does it EVER go away???

-Confessions of a Fat Girl....enough said! A fan favorite of the year. "Don't hate the playa, hate the game!"

September--

-We come home the victors of the First Annual Hemm Cup!

-Maddy's success in preschool make us all praise the Lord and do a constant happy dance!

-Luke is enrolled in speech therapy once a week.

-Maddy's vision 101 taught by Prof. Mama Bear. I will fight you, punch you right in the ovary!

-My Luke turned 2. My baby is officially a toddler

October --

-Baby toys are taking over my life. I beat the crap out of an electric blue squealing pig and feel much shame

-I attended my TEN year High School Reunion. GO TIGERS!

-A scary witch and her superman brother fly off to many trick or treating events.

November --

-My "what a treasure" moments remind me of abundant blessings.

-Stephen Speaks the band....LOOK 'EM UP PEOPLE!

December --

-Maddy captivates an audience of hundreds at church with her dancing skills. "Go Forth and be like Maddy, Although we may be limited, LET US DANCE!"

-I almost fought an elvish whore at the mall.

-When pneumonia meets the flu mama is a tired girl!

-Be Christ like....give of yourself and love one another without judgement

-Christmas 2010 was magical for the kids, exhausting for the rents!

We had a rockin' 2010 and pray for a happy, healthy, and safe 2011 not only for us, but for all our friends and family! We love you all!

This is how we roll for Christmas 2010...

2010-12-27T10:54:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderfully exhausting, happy, Merry Christmas! It seems like every year we count down the days until Christmas Eve and Day and after it is over it is kinda sad and kinda happy and kinda funky!

The kids 'GOT IT' this year...both of them! As in excited for Santa, counting the presents, talking about the birth of Jesus, eager anticipation, looking for Santa's sleigh on Christmas Eve, knowing that they heard Rudolph's jingle bells and saw his ruby red, glowing nose in the night! It was fun.

On Christmas Eve, after Santa was long gone, the kids fast asleep, I was cleaning dishes, wrapping the rest of the presents, longing for my pillow and I looked at my cutie hubby and said, "I have the utmost appreciation for my own parents right now. The exhaustion that comes with being 'everything' has me thanking God for my parents (and yours) who did EVERYTHING while we peacefully slept in eager anticipation on Christmas Eve and every night as children without a single care in the entire world." Bless them!

Exhaustion long gone and forgotten on Christmas morning as I watched my two babies run down the hall giggling with excitement about how a magical fat man in a red suit had left them presents under the tree. It was nostalgic!

Enjoy...

Look, this is my version of 'making cookies' for Santa. Shop at Homeland for ready made, pre cut, sugar cookies, buy cake frosting, sprinkles and a Christmas tray and VOILA....cookies for Santa!

Maddy getting in some playing with baby Jesus time....

Christmas Eve we got ready in the morning and headed out to Tuttle...what what!

Maddy and her cousin Brooklyn sharing a giggle and a secret!

My cutie in-laws, aren't we attractive?!

After our day in Tuttle and the kids got EVERYTHING on their wish list we headed to church service to celebrate the real reason for the season the birth of Jesus the Christ child! Maddy and Luke got down to the Christmas music!

Matchy matchy Christmas jammies are not only a must at our house, but I'm pretty sure it might be a federal law! We obey!

The kiddos were way too wired by this time of night that it was hard to get a good picture so we took three!

Maddy and Luke = a brother and sister team

We set out cookies for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph, we read the Christmas Guest and drank some hot chocolate and then we sent the children off to bed so Santa could stuff himself down our chimney!

Santa came and left some pretty neat goodies under the tree a guitar, scooter, sled, chairs, and I was all "Santa, if you are going to leave all this STUFF here I want you to build me a playroom so I can have room to walk once again in my house!" He didn't listen!

PS The big screen is a present from my husband to, wait for it,......himself! Awesome! After Santa left my hubby and I watched Scrooged with Bill Murray and drank our weight in hot chocolate spiked with peppermint schnapps....YES! Merry Christmas to US!

The next morning the kids were so pumped! Look at those faces!

They can't stand it any longer...

They see the presents for the first time!

Daddy is as excited as Luke about this manly man, hot wheels scooter, scratch, scratch...hammer up some dry wall!

Maddy has been asking for a corn bag. (I have one she is constantly trying to swipe from me). A bag full of corn feed you heat up in the microwave and it acts like a heating pad. Apparently she is preparing herself for middle age already. Look at that face of pure bliss when she got her very own corn bag. Next year I am getting her some Metamucil!

I got an OU snuggie I have been pestering my husband for for MONTHS! I guess next year I'M ASKING for Metamucil, too!

We made it to Grammy and Big Pa's house for our third Christmas celebration! This is what Maddy does as soon as we walk in: crawls directly in my dad's lap and doesn't leave for the next twenty four hours. "Reunited at Last!"

My sister friends!

We made it back to our house the day after Christmas and the kids have spent hours playing with their new toys!

A Knight's Tale...

Forget the Damsel in Distress she will flat out take you out with her sword!

Maddy got ELEVEN new barbies from various people and she is having a grand time turning our house into the official barbie dream house!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

"Hey 2011....BRING IT!"

Much Love,

Katie

Stephen Colbert and Frank Cross come together...

2010-12-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/368914/december-16-2010/jesus-is-a-liberal-democrat?xrs=share_copy

(Go to the above link to watch Stephen's video that I can't seem to embed on my blog because blogger SUCKS!)

I’m about to get ‘politically incorrect’ with all of you. A little controversy to spark a debate never hurt anyone…right? I will admit that this clip from the Colbert Report is a little sacreligious, but if you watch him at all you will know about his sarcastic, dry sense of humor. The end of it got me thinking!

How have we come to this that we maintain our “Christianity” while we refuse to help those in need around us because ‘they will take advantage of the system’ or ‘God helps those who help themselves,’ or ‘survival of the fittest,’ become our mottos and help us sleep a little better at night. While we pick and choose who to help and who not to based on what it will do for us or based on whether or not they will take advantage of us. It is not the way we were called to be. Christ called us to help everyone. To be Christ-like is not to profess with your mouth (yes, I know you can show that scripture to me in the bible) that Jesus is Lord and then plop down in front of our televisions and watch Desperate Housewives and the Biggest Loser and claim to be Christians. Would JC be so disappointed in what we’ve done with regards to religion? “Be leery of those Baptists and Methodists, steer clear of those non denominational folks, you know those Church of Christ believers,” and so on and so forth as we judge and condemn one another while we DO NOTHING to help those around us, people who need us to live our lives in a way that shows to others the light inside us that we know to be Jesus of Nazareth, Christ the King, Our Lord and Savior!

Yes, I know you can back up with scripture anything you might want to prove. I work from the perspective that the bible is a holy book, but a book nonetheless that is chalked full of contradictions. God gave us a mind for questioning and if you didn’t question you wouldn’t be using your God given talents and mind. I do not believe the bible to be the inherent word of God, but I do believe in the perfection of a man historically we know to be Jesus, the son of man, who calls us to live a life of selflessness. Not to shove our religion down people’s throats but to live by the words and actions of Jesus the Christ who in today’s society would be hanging out at the homeless shelter, under the bridges with those less fortunate, with sick and hungry babies who need Him. He would not be standing in judgment with a bible lifted above his head condemning people to a burning place of fire I don’t even believe to exist. It is a misconception that Jesus is the individual moral police. He isn’t. He would rather you spit continuous four letter words from your mouth and be serving people in a soup kitchen, than have a so called clean mouth and DO NOTHING to help those people who might need you the most.

It doesn’t have to be that you sell your house and live in a cardboard box and hand people less fortunate cash money, (Although, I’m sure he would find that acceptable). It is to smile at the check out lady who is having a bad day, pick up the groceries that the elderly man just dropped, to pay it forward whenever possible, be with someone when they are lonely, go out of your way to open the door for someone else, drop a line to a friend who needs to hear from you. It is to give someone a blanket, toy, or food who wouldn’t have had that otherwise and to say, “By The Way…HERE!” People will look at you and crave the light you have inside you and they will want that for themselves and they will come to you and you can say it is JC who gives me my strength, power, and love. And you will plant the seed you were supposed to plant because we are the body of Christ and to be the body is to follow His teachings. Not to judge, condemn, or only help people when it serves your greater interest. But to love everyone no matter of their differences, to accept them, and show them the light and love inside you. Yes, I struggle. I posted just the other day about how I almost fought one of Santa’s elves at the mall. I am, but a human being. But I still live my life with my light, within my family, community, nation and world.

So let us not take the Christ out of Christmas and do as JC and Frank Cross from Scrooged (best Christmas movie ever) says to do!

Enjoy and Merry CHRISTmas!

-Katie

This isn't the best Scrooged clip, but it is the best one I could find on youtube. Scrooged is an institution in my family. We would stay up late on Christmas Eve, eating ice cream, watching Scrooged. A year does not pass with out watching this beloved movie!

"Now, I have to KILL all of you!"

"I CARRREEEE!"

"Go Back to Jersey you moron!"

"Lou, tomorrow is bad for me, Okay, I could squeeze you in for a breakfast!" I could go on and on! Bill Murray you da man!

Merry Christmas...

2010-12-15T18:36:00.000-08:00

Maddy and Luke LOVE this nativity scene from Little People. As soon as I got it out this year Maddy took to playing with and loving on baby Jesus! I find it hilarious when other figures pop in and out of the scene. Look closely and you will see that Batman has shown up to pay his respects, rode through the night, following the star, on his batmobile! Princess Jasmine and a power ranger has also popped over to see our Lord. And don't forget Tinker Bell and Princess Fiona in the back. One of our stand-in wise men has a construction hat and cell phone. Maddy says he is texting God! Who knew the Christmas story was so modern! When telling the kids the Christmas story today Maddy looked at me and tilted her head and said, "What is an INN?" I was all, "It is kind of like a hotel!" Now Maddy thinks Mary and Joseph rode in on a donkey straight to the Marriott and went swimming at the hotel pool. She is so confused!

We took the kids to visit Santa at the mall. This is the before picture. When we got there, both kids were a little leery to sit on his lap, but they eventually did. It came time to get the picture and the "elf helpers" put on a bright light shining directly at the kids. Maddy's nystagmus (involuntary eye movements) started really acting up. Bless her heart. The combination of sights and sounds was a lot to take in. We were standing behind the woman dressed as an elf, while she took the picture. She was getting agitated that we couldn't get a good picture. She thrust the camera at me and said, "This is as good as it gets." The picture was horrendous. Maddy's eyes were completely rolled back. I said, "No, take it again." She huffed and said, "But her eyes won't focus, they don't focus!" I crouched down beside her, all the while I was waving, smiling, and throwing up the thumbs up for my kids, I whispered, "Listen you little elvish whore, yes her eyes do FOCUS, and you will take as many pictures as it takes to get the right one!"

This is what we ended up with! See below

It is a picture of a picture so it is a little blurry. Maddy's left eye has been turning in ALOT, even though we still patch around 4 hours a day. I'm afraid that one day in the near future we will be getting the eye straightening surgery.

This particular mall was all decked out for Christmas!

Then Maddy met and fell in love with this elf!

Then she proposed to him!

Look, it is not Luke's fault that he has a big sister he idolizes, who also happens to have TONS of dress up clothes. There ain't nothin' wrong with being in touch with the softer side of life. He still has his manly hat on backwards! Judge him and I will fight you!

I love him!

Maddy and I went to a Christmas concert and had some girl time together! When the music starts Maddy is like one with the music! I love it!

This next picture is something I like to call "When pneumonia meets the FLU!"

Poor sweet girl. For the better part of a week Maddy has been feeling horrible. So bad we almost had to hospitalize the girl. Luke also caught the flu. I have been up to my elbows in vomit, snot, fever, chills, coughs...you name it. And don't be smug. All of us have had the flu shot. This particular strain got us anyway!

I think there is some sort of "super mom" instincts that kick in when your babies are sick. Four nights in a row with no sleep and zero time to myself I still spring out of bed when I hear "MAMA" cried feebly out into the night. "Super Mom" gene! I know all of you have it too!

We had to cancel many a playdates and Maddy had to miss her preschool Christmas program. Devastated when we told her she pulled herself up on our fire place (her stage) and said, "See I'm not sick," *cough* *cough* *lips turn blue* "Please take me to my program!" *cough* *cough* *vomit*

We are going have a one and only, solo, special performance by Maddy dressed up in her Christmas program dress. As soon as she gets to feeling better!

Here is a "rough and tumble" daddy video. Thank goodness he has the energy to rough house in the evening time. I would so much rather lay on the couch and DO NOTHING!

Merry Christmas

-Katie

“Go Forth and Be Like Maddy”...

2010-12-06T10:42:00.000-08:00

Growing up I attended a very small church. Walking in on Sunday mornings I could name the entire congregation of forty by name. A congregation made up of mostly little blue haired ladies that I adored. I was the lone person in my Sunday school class some years. I knew nothing different.

After I married the love of my life I was bound and determined to find a church home similar to the one where I grew up. Low and behold I found it. The next six years I threw myself into VBS committees, parish committees, and baking goods for the many potluck dinners our church had. We had both Maddy and Luke baptized at this sweet little church and the congregation loved on us all the time, through my surgery, through Maddy’s surgery, through it all. A year or two ago there was upheaval in the church, feelings were hurt, people left, people were fired, people were upset. Being as involved as I was I knew about every hurt feelings on both sides of the party. We began to pull away, but I still felt such loyalty to my church. My husband thought we should try somewhere else because he too felt hurt by all the upheaval.

It felt so wrong going to another church, like an adulterous woman cheating on my church I pledged to be apart of.

Maddy was doing so well at her church based preschool we decided to try that extremely large church since Maddy and Luke were familiar with the building and surroundings. With several services in which 500 people or more attended each service I felt like I was in a foreign land with a sea of unfamiliar faces. We chose to attend the contemporary service because Maddy totally digs the music. We take the kids up to the front so Maddy can see the band and dance and at the end of the beginning music we take the kids to the nursery and my husband and I slip back in the service and sit in one of the back rows.

This Sunday we did the same. Maddy was so into the music. Lifting her hands up, twirling around, and clapping excitedly when a song was over. Every single pair of eyes in the place couldn’t help but smile and watch her while she grooved. When the songs where over we grabbed our things and got the children situated in the nursery and found a place on one of the back rows.

The minister, a dynamic speaker and man, got up in front of the 500 person service and said, “Did you guys see that little girl dancing in the front? What a blessing to watch!” Every head seemed to nod in agreement.

We sat and chuckled to ourselves. Then the minister said, “It makes me so sad though because that family left! And I don’t know why?”

My quiet and shy husband had to literally hold me in my seat as he knew I was about to stand up and shout “WE ARE HERE! WE DIDN’T LEAVE!” The minister went on with his sermon and I leaned in and whispered to my husband, “I ain’t goin’ down like that!”

It came time for communion and I made a bee line for that minister. “Hi,” I said, “we didn’t leave. We are the family with the dancing girl! My daughter Maddy is legally blind and we bring her to the front of the service to watch the band and dance and then we take our kids to the nursery!”

The minister hugged me and said, “What wonderful news. She was such a delight to watch!” I told him our names again and headed back to our seats and looked at my husband, “you couldn’t leave it alone…huh?” he said. “NOWAY, do you know me at all!?”

The minister rose from his seat to address the 500 people before him and said, “Folks, we have some great news. The family I spoke about with that adorable dancing little girl didn’t leave after all. Maddy’s mother just found me and said that her daughter is legally blind and they bring her to the front to get a glimpse of the band and to dance! Let us learn from Maddy. Although we may be limited… let us dance!”

We sat in the back with tears streaming down our cheeks as he raised his hands up and said, “GO FORTH AND BE LIKE MADDY!”

We felt God couldn’t be more clear on where we need to be going to church as a family. If I could have duel membership at both our old and new churches I would do it. One is silver, the other gold and I hope to be involved with both. Jesus is not just in one particular church. He is everywhere. He is in our home, He is in our lives, He is in our hearts.

GO FORTH AND BE LIKE MADDY….

Although we may be limited… DANCE!

Amen

Siblings...

2010-12-01T11:19:00.001-08:00

"To have a brother or a sister is to be fortunate enough to be born as friends!"